MANY CRITICS IGNORE the fact that the Holy Quran also gives advice to a woman whose husband is the one who behaves in a way that is nushūz (meaning: “recalcitrant”, “over-bearing”, and “injurious”, as described earlier). The very fact that the Holy Quran acknowledges this possibility of misconduct by husbands, clearly indicates that it does not give a free license to husbands to behave towards their wives as they please, but also expects them to behave as caring and affectionate companions to their wives, not as their masters.
The Holy Quran gives the following advice as regards a woman who suffers in such a way:
And if a woman fear nushūz or indifference on the part of her husband, it shall be no sin on them that they be suitably reconciled to each other; and reconciliation is best. And people are prone to covetousness. If you do good and are righteous, surely Allah is aware of what you do.157
The method of such reconciliation is elaborated as follows:
And if you fear a breach between them, then appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they (the arbiters) desire reconciliation, Allah will effect it between them. Surely, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.158
What this demonstrates is that if a woman suffers from hateful, injurious, over-bearing, aggressive or abusive behaviour from her spouse, third parties should be involved. This is evidently different to the teaching given for men. Why is that?
It is obvious that if a woman is suffering under difficult and fearful conditions with a potentially abusive husband, advising her to forego sexual relations or to take physical acts to respond to his violence or abuse may likely endanger her even further by inciting his anger. In such a situation, the best approach would be to involve third parties from both the husband’s side and the wife’s side, to assess the degree of damage to the relationship that may have occurred, and to see if there is potential for reconciliation and also to see if it would be essential to make an onward referral to the appropriate legal authorities whose proper domain it is to provide redress under the law.
If reconciliation cannot be brought about, the wife has the permission in Islam to divorce her husband, regardless of the husband’s feelings in the matter.159 Indeed, the following incident in the life of Prophet Muhammadsa is illustrative of how women have the right to divorce even for such reasons as simple incompatibility between spouses:
The wife of Thābit bin Qais came to Prophet Muhammadsa and said, “O Allah’s Messengersa! I do not blame Thābit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)”. On that Allah’s Messengersa said (to her), “Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as dowry)?” She said, “Yes”. Then Prophet Muhammadsa said to Thābit, “O Thābit! Accept your garden, and divorce her at once”.160
Another narration records her excuse as “I cannot endure to live with him”.161 Let alone enduring domestic abuse from husbands, Islam allows women to divorce simply on the basis that they do not like their husbands. This is the absolute freedom that Islam has granted to women that is not found in any other religion.