Taqwa (Righteousness) And Marriage

(Address to Lajna Ima’illah, Jalsa Salana UK, July 23, 2011)

After reciting Tashahhud, Ta‘awwudh, and Surah Al-Fatihah, Huzoor(aba) recited:

“O ye people! Fear your Lord Who created you from a single soul and created therefrom its mate, and from them twain spread many men and women; and fear Allah, in whose name you appeal to one another, and fear Him particularly respecting ties of relationship. Verily, Allah watches over you.”1

“O ye who believe! Fear Allah, and say the right word.”2

“He will bless your works for you and forgive you your sins. And whoso obeys Allah and His Messenger shall surely attain a mighty success.”3

“O ye who believe! Fear Allah; and let every soul look to what it sends forth for the morrow. And fear Allah; verily Allah is Well-Aware of what you do.”4

The verses that were just recited before you at the beginning of the session are verses from three different Surahs (chapters) which are read at the time of Nikah (marriage announcement). Generally speaking, it is mostly men who attend the Nikah ceremony, so they know about these verses. That is, at least they know these verses are recited at Nikah; I am not saying they also know about acting upon them. However, ladies do not attend the Nikah so often; hence I selected the verses to briefly speak on the subject to the ladies.

These verses point out most significant matters to men and women regarding fulfilling the important bond of marriage. The first significant matter to which attention is drawn is Taqwa (righteousness, love of Allah and the fear of losing His love). As you have been informed, the first verse among these verses is from Surah Al-Nisa. The second and third are verses from Surah Al-Ahzab and the fourth is a verse from Surah Al-Hashr.

As mentioned before, the first thing to which attention is drawn is Taqwa (righteousness). The word Taqwa is used twice in the first verse, the second verse also mentions Taqwa, and the fourth and final verse mentions Taqwa twice. In short, Taqwa is mentioned five times in the verses recited at the time of Nikah, and each time Taqwa is mentioned, it says: adopt Taqwa of Allah and adopt Taqwa of your Lord. After this, a new instruction is given to adopt Taqwa so that your actions, which you have to undertake, are full of Taqwa; they are essential for you to fulfil this bond.

I mentioned Taqwa yesterday in that the Promised Messiah(as) wishes to see a very high standard of Taqwa in us. Allah told him that if man inculcates the root of Taqwa, it is through this alone that he will acquire everything. Status and dignity in this world, and the knowledge of this world are all insignificant. If a believing man or a believing woman considers that he or she must give precedence to faith over worldly matters, considers that the pledge he or she repeats is so that it should become the voice of his or her heart and he or she becomes one who practices it, then the root for all this is Taqwa. Without it, pledges cannot be fulfilled nor can a male believer or a female believer establish the condition of their faith. If Taqwa is established, then one will attain the faith and also this world.

When a man or a woman claims to have faith and claims to be a believer, then certainly it is his or her wish, and greatest of all wishes, and indeed it should be so, that he or she finds God so that his or her world and faith are both adorned. Thus, it is extremely important to practice Taqwa if God is to be attained and His pleasure is sought. Taqwa is to forsake the smallest of ills with disgust and to adopt the smallest of virtues with deepest sincerity of heart. One is not to define vices and virtues oneself; rather, it is also Taqwa to look for the definitions in the commandments of Allah, to look for them in the Ahadith (sayings) and Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet(sa). One should read the pronouncements of the Promised Messiah(as) who was sent as the Imam of the Age to clarify the true teachings of Islam to people. Read them and also note them and sincerely strive to put them in practice, and see which matters are forbidden because they are vices, and which matters have been enjoined upon us because they are virtues and merits.

These are not the only verses enjoining Taqwa; rather, the Holy Qur’an enjoins this in numerous places. The Promised Messiah(as) said:

“In the Holy Qur’an more emphasis has been laid on virtue and righteousness [Taqwa] than on any other commandment. The reason for this is that righteousness bestows the strength to resist all vice and urges progress towards all good. Righteousness is in all circumstances a charm that guarantees security and is a citadel for safeguarding against all harm. A righteous person can avoid many vain and harmful contentions that often lead other people to ruin. They sow the seed of dissension among the people through their hasty actions and suspicions and lay themselves open to objection.”5

The Promised Messiah(as) further says that man’s entire spiritual beauty is in treading the fine ways of Taqwa.

“The spiritual beauty of man is to walk along all the fine ways of righteousness. They are the attractive features of spiritual beauty. It is obvious that to be mindful of the trusts of God Almighty and to fulfil all the covenants of faith, and to employ all faculties and limbs both overt, like the eyes and ears and hands and feet, and others like them, and those that are covert, like the mind and other faculties and qualities, on their proper occasions and to restrain them from coming into action on improper occasions, and to be warned against the subtle attacks of vice and to be mindful of the rights of one’s fellow beings, is the way of perfecting one’s spiritual beauty. God Almighty has in the Holy Qur’an designated righteousness as raiment, Libaas-ut-Taqwa (raiment of Taqwa) is an expression of the Holy Qur’an. This is an indication that spiritual beauty and spiritual ornament are achieved through righteousness. Righteousness means that one must be mindful even of the smallest details of the Divine trusts and covenants and also of all the trusts and covenants of one’s fellow beings, as far as it may be possible. That is, one must try to fulfil, to the best of one’s ability, all the requirements in their minutest details.”6

Thus, this is the standard which, when acquired, saves society from many problems. This is the standard, which, if generated in us, turns our world into faith. Whatever wish we have, it will be for the pleasure of Allah Almighty. One who seeks the pleasure of Allah Almighty, has no wish that is attained by only being interested in the world.

Men and women are the basic unit of society. Although they are different genders, they have a connection, and after joining in the relationship as husband and wife, they become a unit. This is the relationship and the bond from which the next generation ensues. If this unit and couple do not have Taqwa, then there is also no guarantee for the Taqwa of the next generation. There is also no guarantee for the high morals and Taqwa of society, because a society is formed by the numerical growth of humanity. Therefore, when a believer is in search of Taqwa, it is not just for himself; rather it is also for his offspring and for his society. When this fundamental unit espouses such Taqwa, it will be a guarantor for the Taqwa of the next generation and there will also be a guarantee of Taqwa of society and high morals will be witnessed.

As the Promised Messiah(as) has said, Taqwa is a ‘charm’ for security. Indeed, every person, no matter which religion one belongs to, or even one who does not belong to a religion, desires to remain in the sphere of security. Whether or not one gives security to the other, one wishes security for him or herself. A villain, a thief, a robber would without doubt harm others but would want himself to be safe from all kinds of losses. Thus, if every person wishes to have security, does not want to receive any harm, wants his night and day to pass safely and soundly, wants to remain safe from every enemy and remain protected from every trouble and does not want to face difficulties—if a believer wishes all this, the way for him is to adopt Taqwa. The Promised Messiah(as) has clarified this point for us that if you want security, you should adopt Taqwa. Taqwa alone is a ‘charm’ for security, which is a guarantor of your security. With Taqwa one comes in the refuge of Allah Almighty.

The Promised Messiah(as) says at another place:

“If you become God’s, know for certain that God is yours. You will be asleep and God will stay awake for you.”7

Thus, one for whom God will stay awake and gives protection from all evil comes into a tremendous sphere of security which no power on earth can break. However, as Allah Almighty has stated it in the Qur’an and the Promised Messiah(as) has also explained, such security is conditional to Taqwa. It is necessary to avoid every vice while being mindful of fear of Allah Almighty, as it is essential to adopt every virtue. When fear of God is instilled in the real sense, man avoids vices. This is why the Promised Messiah(as) said that Taqwa gives strength to avoid every single vice and when this strength is attained, man obtains that priceless charm which is a guarantee of security. Man comes into a strong citadel around which Allah Almighty, has arranged guards, which no satanic ploy can penetrate. Satanic thoughts and feelings develop only when man forgets Allah and does not fear Him. Thus, with fear of God man cannot ever make a move which displeases Allah and destroys the peace of the world, which destroys the peace of one’s society and destroys the peace and security of one’s family.

The Promised Messiah(as) says that by coming into this citadel one is sheltered from many evils, is safeguarded and protected from useless and dangerous altercations. Thus, in today’s society, we need to avoid idle and meaningless matters and create peace and tranquillity in our lives. Allah has taught us different ways to avoid, and to help others avoid, various evils and dangerous altercations. Unfortunately, people do not pay attention to these ways and destroy their lives. They thus deprive themselves of the elegance that Allah has facilitated for a male believer and a female believer, which should be the badge of honour of a male believer and female believer, and would greatly enhance his or her beauty.

Clothes and apparent beauty are insignificant. Allah grants real beauty. Women take a lot of care of their beauty and adornment, but there are many who remain unaware of their real beauty. Beauty does not come from putting make-up on, dressing up and wearing jewellery. Allah has taught real beauty. Women remain unaware of that beauty which enhances their real beauty manifold. This does not come from gaining freedom, does not come from losing oneself in the futilities of the society, does not come from giving up modesty (Hayaa), does not come from uncovering one’s head and does not come from making materialistic demands to husbands. There is also beauty for men, which does not come from marrying fashionable women; rather it comes from adopting Taqwa of Allah. Influenced by the Western ways, some of our women too consider that perhaps this is what beauty is. It should always be remembered that beauty comes from wearing the raiment of Taqwa: and the raiment of Taqwa can be availed by those who, whether men or women, strive with all their capacities and capabilities to fulfil their covenants of faith and trust.

The Promised Messiah(as) says that we should employ all apparent physical limbs to fulfil these trusts. It is the duty of every man and woman that they should employ his or her eyes, ears, tongue and every other faculty subservient to the pleasure of Allah. It is seen that the tongue, ears and eyes play a significant role in marital conflicts. Men do not employ them properly and women do not employ them properly. I have mentioned this before that when couples ask for advice, I often say to them that if they use their tongue, ears and eyes properly for each other, their problems would never arise. If gentle and affectionate speech is employed, problems can never arise. Similarly, it has been generally seen, be it men or be it women, it is the tongue that goes on prolonging the conflicts when cases and problems are brought up. A time comes when they make their minds up, or are inclined to make their minds up, that they do not want to be together.

Likewise, close your ears to anything said about Rehmi relatives (blood relatives, ties of kinship) on both sides and other such matters, which may cause any kind of resentment between relatives. Sometimes if a person or a party says something wrong, the other also retorts back in kind. If one closes one’s ears for a short time in order to stop conflict, many problems can subside there and then and apart from the problems of habitually quarrelsome men and women, generally, conflicts do not come to pass. Therefore, close your ears and you will have peace. I relate an account, and it is a true account, that a husband and wife were quarrelling while a little girl was watching them in astonishment. A short while later, they both realized the error of their ways and in order to cover their embarrassment, they asked the girl whether her mother and father ever argued or got upset or spoke harshly to each other? The girl replied, “Yes, if my father is angry, my mother stays quiet and if my mother is angry, my father stays quiet and the disagreement does not go any further in our home.” This is the good influence it can have on children.

Keep your eyes closed to each other’s shortcomings and keep your eyes open to each other’s good qualities. After all, each person, be it a man or a woman, has good qualities as well as shortcomings. I have seen that men are usually the first to start spotting the shortcomings of women. When women start looking for shortcomings in response, they go so far ahead that there is no turning back. Moreover, one should not even look at what is forbidden and what dishonours one’s Taqwa. Domestic problems can damage mutual trust but if purity of sight is maintained then this damage does not occur and problems go away. Then, do not let your heart be desirous of what is forbidden, keep it filled with fear of Allah. As a result, problems do not ever arise and Satan does not ever enter one’s heart stealthily to create discord in families.

Satan does not only signify a person whose way of entry may be detected. Each bad company, each bad friend who will try to destroy your home, who will try and incite you against your husband, against mother-in-law, against sister-in-law, or will try to incite a husband against his wife, or one who will say something trivial that will create anxiety in one’s heart, is a Satan. Thus, it is the obligation of each male believer and each female believer to be heedful of such Satans. The foundation of the union of marriage is strengthened once mutual trust is established. If trust is lost, then the very same palace that was erected with the promise of love and affection is razed to the ground; in fact, it turns to ruins.

Therefore, while a believer tries his best to fulfil his pledge made with his God, he also tries his best to fulfil the pledge made with mankind. Without discharging the dues of mankind, the standards of discharging the dues of Allah cannot be attained. Cracks begin to appear in it too. Once a crack appears in a utensil, it gradually increases in size. Thus, fulfilling the dues of mankind is also very important and, in this instance, the dues of husband and wife on each other are very significant. Their significance is for the betterment of society and the next generation. Therefore, it is a huge responsibility of a true believer to fulfil them.

The reason Allah has drawn attention to the dues of husband and wife and why the Holy Prophet(sa) selected these verses for the time of Nikah is so that husband and wife discharge each other’s dues while staying firm on Taqwa. Then alone would they be able to fulfil the trusts of Allah and the pledges of faith in a proper manner, as well as the trust and pledges of society. Thus, every male believer and female believer and every Ahmadi man and woman should remember that their covenants will only be fulfilled when they strive to and fulfil the basic due of every relationship.

While Allah has created holy matrimony to facilitate each other’s comfort, it is also a means of procreation of mankind. From it arises that generation which, if brought up well through training, then becomes the guarantor of peace in society. Physical gratification and continuation of race alone are not the only objectives, for they are found even in animals. Allah has created man as the most eminent of all creation and this entails some requisites. For mankind there is also mental gratification in this. This is why the Holy Prophet(sa) has said that compatibility should be kept in mind in matrimonial matches. Compatibility involves many things, like family, education, but this is also used as an excuse not to go ahead with a match and to break it.

If one adopts Taqwa, such excuses are not made; on the contrary, right decisions are made. Relationships provide mental gratification as well as spiritual gratification. Empathy between husband and wife considerably promotes mental, spiritual and educational Tarbiyat (moral training) of the next generation. A man and woman who lay the foundation of a family in fact lay the foundation of a society; they lay the foundation of either making a nation good or bad. Therefore, there is great need to reflect on this aspect.

By citing the word Taqwa five times at the time of Nikah, Allah Almighty has drawn our attention to the point that our every action, every word, every practice should not just be for ourselves. On the contrary, while based on Taqwa and fear of Allah Almighty, it should also fulfil the dues of Allah as well as those of one another. In this way children are born who pray for their parents. As is stated in the Holy Qur’an, when parents raise their children with piety, the offspring then pray for their parents:

“And say, My Lord, have mercy on them even as they nourished me in my childhood.”8

This prayer does not only signify that parents physically nurtured their children, rather, it entails their care towards religious education and training, care towards spiritual improvement, care towards moral training and care towards worldly education so that one may become a useful part of society. However, such people are not born in homes where conflicts take place, where mothers and fathers only focus on egotistical matters, except in some families, when Allah wills that in reaction to the way their parents are, children grow up to be different. They develop disgust for their parent, mother or father, whoever commits unfairness. They leave home and focus on their own Tarbiyat, although there are very few of this kind. It is therefore very important that in order to save our progeny, we do not make our own selves the sole focal point of our attention. Rather, it is essential to instil the habit of sacrificing one’s thoughts and one’s emotions; then alone can a beautiful society be created.

Only a believing child, that is, a person who has insight into what Taqwa is, can be drawn to make this prayer. He realises that Taqwa is that, in gratitude of the favours of his parents, he seeks God’s help for them and prays for their betterment. Allah has spread men and women in multitudes and has also spread them through disbelievers. Allah has stated: ‘O men and women, you have been spread in multitudes, adopt the Taqwa of Allah’, that is, if those special people who are inclined to religion seek God’s pleasure, if they want religion, then they should search for that Taqwa, which takes one to God. They should search for that humility and fear which will stop them from vices for the sake of Allah and will enable them to do good. In fact, we observe in the world that in terms of population, the number of disbelievers is greater in comparison to believers. However, attention is drawn here to the fact that the real preponderance is of those who practice Taqwa because theirs will be a good ultimate ending, and it is through them alone that the peace and harmony of the world is established. Therefore, do not be impressed by materialistic people, rather follow Taqwa so that you become recipients of the blessings of Allah. Your offspring also will pray for you and will be a source of elevating your station.

At times, one issue emerges a lot in our marital problems that come to the fore from both men and women: that one of them disparages the other’s parents or siblings. Men accuse women and women accuse men of belittling their parents, saying such and such about them and being abusive about them. This is far removed from Taqwa and creates discord in families. It is not a matter of only making accusations; at times, these turn out to be the truth where children are provoked against grandparents and improper words are used for each other’s close relatives and efforts are made to turn children against them. Allah states that this is far removed from Taqwa and this is not Taqwa and in doing this you are going far away from Taqwa. Therefore, be careful of your relations of kinship as well.

These verses also draw attention to this. The very first verse enjoins to take care of one’s Rehmi relations. Rather than only be considerate themselves, parents should also teach their children the sanctity and respect of Rehmi relations. Only then can a pure society be established. Indeed, parents should take great care of the sanctity of this aspect because the examples of parents influence children. The Holy Prophet(sa), who understood human nature more than anyone else, selected these verses for the Nikah sermon and thus made men and women realise at the time of joining in matrimony, or tried to make them realise, to always remember that the bond of a husband and wife is a bond in which, whilst one has to have warm feelings and sentiments for one another, one also has to respect one another’s Rehmi relations. This is essential if one is a true believer.

If a person has fear of Allah Almighty, then one is obligated to utilize one’s apparent organs and limbs as well as one’s heart to cultivate good Rehmi relations. If women do not do this, or men do not do this, then they should remember that Allah is watching over them and can see their actions and deeds. When Allah states that He is watching over [us], He also chastises those practices of men and women which do not realize the dues of Rehmi relations. Thus, from the very first day, a man and a woman should come together in the bond of marriage with the thought that there is not just one bond to be fulfilled. The husband and wife do not only have each other’s relationship to fulfil, rather, they have to fulfil all the close relationships. This is the thought with which a wife should run her husband’s home and this is the thought with which a man should marry a woman; that is, they will fulfil their wider relationships, the Rehmi relationships, in addition to their own relationship. If we understand this view thoroughly and then instil it in our society, there will be an extraordinary reduction in the number of conflicts that start with trivial matters and lead up to physical abuse and police involvement and result in Khula and divorce.

Further, honesty is the root of all good. This is why when a man said that he could only give up one vice and asked which vice it should be, the Holy Prophet(sa) told him to give up lying and to always tell the truth. By following this directive, one by one all his vices were removed.9 This is the reason Allah has stated to adopt honesty.

The second verse read at the time of Nikah, which the Holy Prophet(sa) chose, states that Taqwa is in saying what is right and clear. Some things are certainly true at times, but they can have many meanings, which can be both positive and negative. Some very clever people say what suits them and then say they meant such and such, and what they say is also correct, but everyone else has another understanding of it. It is stated here: say Qaul-e-Sadid [the straightforward word], and Qaul-e-Sadid means to say what is exceptionally clear and true. As I said, some people craftily say something, both men and women, especially when their cases are being presented or their matters are brought up. It is stated that, primarily, say everything truthfully when arranging matrimonial matches. If a proposal comes for a girl, her health, age, height, etc., whatever it may be, should be told very clearly. All the information should be given to the boy. However, after receiving the information, it is the obligation of the boys not to turn up simply to look at the girl. Rather, after receiving the information, they should pray and then only go with the intention of arranging a match. If they go with this intention, a pure society will be created. When matches are sought with Taqwa, girls will not experience the anxieties that they do. Similarly, boys should very clearly tell about their education, health, etc., and if they have any shortcomings, these should be communicated very clearly. Because Qaul-e-Sadid entails that everything should be clearly explained before a match is arranged.

If these matters are revealed beforehand there would be no question of conflicts and quarrels escalating later on. In some matches where girls come from Pakistan, India or other countries, matters are not disclosed correctly and clearly and people tell lies. As a result, when the girls arrive here, within a short period the situation ends up in Khula, or divorce, which is an extremely abhorrent act in the sight of God, although it is not Haram (forbidden) and is permissible, it is considered extremely abhorrent and should be avoided.

Likewise, if the required information is provided beforehand, many instances of early Khula or divorce can be avoided.

Some girls and boys wish to get married elsewhere but agree to go with the choice of their parents, wherever the parents insist on. These marriages break up after a short while. Parents should also employ Qaul-e-Sadid, which is clear communication and should tell the family with whom they are arranging a match that they have pressured their son or daughter into the match so that the other party can make their decision judiciously.

The basis of mutual confidence built after marriage should also be on Qaul-e-Sadid: on what is clear, unambiguous and truthful. Allah knows human nature and has given upholding truth as the basic instruction for societal peace to help fulfil mutual relationships and to live in peace and well-being. It should be truthfulness which is not confusing in any way at all. It is stated that if one promises to always say what is clear and unambiguous and not go near lies and misinformation, Allah guarantees forgiveness of sins. One’s deeds will be reformed, and obviously when deeds are reformed and one works to gain the pleasure of Allah, then Allah also loves that person. Just as I explained by giving the example of the Hadith of the Holy Prophet(sa) that, if you stop telling lies, your other vices will be removed. Thus, everyone should adopt this principle.

Every person’s sustenance, be it man or woman, is in obedience to Allah and His Prophet(sa). If one claims to be a believer, be it a man or a woman, then one has to abide by them, therein is our success. Thus, one would garner bounties of Allah, in this life as well be the recipient of blessings in the Hereafter.

The last verse also draws attention with reference to Taqwa that this world should not be considered one’s sole purpose; it should not be considered that this world is everything. Be aware and be mindful. This is not an insignificant matter. Be particularly mindful as to what you have sent forward for tomorrow and what virtues you are practising. What Taqwa have you adopted? Have you safeguarded your Salat? Have you fulfilled the dues of your husbands and have the husbands fulfilled the dues of wives? Have the dues of children been fulfilled? Have you upheld your pledges and protected your familial relations? There will be accountability to Allah for all of this, so be mindful what you have sent forth because the real blessings, which will be everlasting, are the blessings of the Hereafter. Remember not to think that your practices in this world are hidden from Allah. Allah states that He is well aware of everything you do. This verse is yet again reminding us that the root of every evil is in not following Taqwa and not paying attention to it. Thus, if you want real moral and spiritual advancement, remember that it is not possible without faith and belief in Allah and sincere adherence to His commandments.

Therefore, matrimonial matters and fulfilment of relationships outwardly appears to be a worldly matter but for a believer, the world is also his or her faith. An Ahmadi believer, man or woman, indeed has to and should live his or her life in the manner that would fulfil his or her pledges. Only then will they become recipients of blessings and will be fulfilling the pledge that an Ahmadi makes with the Imam of the Age, the Promised Messiah(as), after entering the Jama’at in the form of the oath of allegiance (Bai‘at). Our girls and women should also be mindful that their foremost obligation is to abide by Taqwa and seeking the pleasure of Allah. Marriage, too, is to seek the pleasure of God and for the continuation of pious progeny. In this regard, when enjoining men about which qualities they should look for and give preference to in a match, the Holy Prophet(sa) said that a woman’s piety should be given preference.

In one Hadith, Hazrat Abdullah bin Amr(ra) narrates that the Holy Prophet(sa) said that this world is but a provision and the best provision in the world is a pious woman.10

That is, a pious woman is the best among the provisions needed to spend life in this world. Likewise, another Hadith relates that Hazrat Abu Hurairah(ra) narrates that the Holy Prophet(sa) said:

“A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her piety, but you should give preference to a pious woman. May God bless you with a pious woman”11

Thus, if our men also abide by Taqwa and keep these qualities in view, every girl will follow virtuous ways more than ever. With the grace of Allah our girls, our young women, generally follow virtuous ways. However, those who are influenced by society should also enhance their standards of virtue. When girls enhance their standards of virtue considering it as a benchmark for a matrimonial match, they will also try and seek those boys who have higher standards of virtues. Compatibility is when the standard of piety and Taqwa are the same. It cannot be that a villain, a thief and robber says that he wishes for a pious and virtuous wife who abides by Taqwa. It should not be assumed that the Holy Prophet(sa) considered men to be pious and thus told them that they all were very pious and touching high standards of piety therefore they should seek a pious woman. He certainly prayed for the person because he must have known about his piety. However, he also imparted a matter of principle, and told the men that they too should become pious and then marry a pious woman. If they were not pious and were embroiled in bad practices how could they seek pious wives? Indeed, it is a pious man alone who will seek a pious wife and thus man and woman will abide by Taqwa and focus on establishing their relationship and raising pious children. Attention has been drawn to the fact that they both uphold virtues so that a pious generation ensues; a generation which would create a beautiful society which would abide by Taqwa and a family which would abide by Taqwa.

Thus, lack of patience, love of the world and distance from Taqwa in the world today has created fissures in the sacred relationships of husbands and wives. The solution alone lies in practising these Qur’anic commandments. Regretfully, I have to say that our girls, women and men are being influenced by the current ways of the world.

The Promised Messiah(as) stated:

“Do not emulate those nations who have fallen completely to materialism.”12

Do not follow those who consider this world everything. The divorce rate in the world and in these [Western] countries has particularly gone up sharply. It has been high among materialistic people for a long time. Marriage lasts for a while and then breaks down. This environment affects Ahmadis as well, not just here but also in Pakistan, India and other places. Therefore, we should be drawn towards our reformation, lest in imitating the world we also drown ourselves in the darkness which is destroying the world and is responsible for its destruction. On the contrary, we should keep our weaknesses in view and focus on our reformation.

A very worrying analysis has come before me as I review different countries. In general terms the situation is that our rate of divorce and Khula is continuing to rise. The reason for this is impatience, lack of virtues and distance from Taqwa. When I reviewed the situation of the last three years here in the UK, I was astonished that the rate of divorce and Khula has gone up approximately 3%, and 20% of all marriages are ending in divorce. This is a worrying situation and we need to pay a great deal of attention to it. When an investigation is made, the reasons behind this are the ones I mentioned earlier: use of abusive language between husband and wife, bad morals and a lack of tolerance. Another factor is when parents, siblings and relatives interfere, be it the siblings and parents of the man or the woman. Interference in each other’s relations worsens the situation. Although it is enjoined to fulfil the duty to Rehmi relations, parents and siblings are also commanded not to create conflict and to let the husband and wife live in peace. If this were practiced, relationships would never break so rapidly. There is also the factor of not being truthful. Boys come here from abroad to get married. Girls here are educated. It is said that the boy is a graduate but it is later found out that he has even failed his Matriculation, and the relationship breaks. Similarly, shortcomings are discovered in girls. So always adhere to truthfulness.

Now I want to say to older women that one of the complaints of relationships breaking is that mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law hit their daughters-in-law. Not only do they get the husbands to hit them but they also strike them, which cannot be tolerated at all. Once here, boys get involved in certain bad practices and do not want their wives to stay with them. If the wife is from Pakistan, they want to send her back to Pakistan under one excuse or the other. Mutual rights are not fulfilled and when the Jama’at tries to resolve matters, they do not cooperate with the Jama’at. There are many reasons which cause breakup of relationships and they are all based on one factor, a lack of Taqwa. For this reason, the rate of breakups is continuing to increase. May Allah give sense to men and to women in that abiding by righteousness they strive to fulfil their relationships.

We should pay heed to and value the favour bestowed on us by Allah, that He has included us in the Jama’at, we should have Allah’s pleasure in view and should be mindful of what we have sent forth for tomorrow, rather than what personal gain we have made in this world. May Allah enable all men and women to realize this, Ameen.