Relationship Between Husband and Wife – Garment of Righteousness and Concealing Each Other’s Faults

(Excerpt from Friday Sermon, April 3, 2009)

Allah Almighty has taught us ways to achieve the goal of getting closer to Him. A person should strive to be perfect in his faith, fulfil the rights of Allah and of His beings and try to perform virtuous deeds. Allah Almighty has mentioned the deeds that please and displease Him in the Holy Qur’an. Therefore, a believer should try his best to obey all the commandments mentioned by Allah Almighty and avoid vices, so that he will be able to receive the benefits of His Sattar (covering of faults) and His Mercy.

Last Friday I spoke of matrimonial relationships. In some cases, the mutual relationship between husbands and wives is ruined because of unkind and offensive remarks from both parties. This is strongly disliked by Allah. Allah Almighty urges both husband and wife to fulfil their respective obligations.

He says in the Holy Qur’an:

“They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”1

The Holy Qur’an uses the word “garment,” which means a source of cover for your body, as a source of adornment and protection from extreme weather. So, it is the responsibility of both the husband and wife to cover up the faults of their mutual relationship.

Similarly, when a man or a woman makes a pledge to the contract of marriage, then they must make their utmost effort to tolerate each other. They should cover up the faults and shortcomings of each other, and avoid bickering over petty little matters. The attitude and appearance of an Ahmadi married couple should be complimentary and they should be a role model for others.

At times, some young married couples say that there is no mutual compatibility between them. On further investigation, it comes to light that neither of them had tried to understand their relationship seriously. They did not try to achieve the real purpose of marriage for which Allah has commanded His servants to get married. At times, it appears that they get married simply as a pastime. There is a tremendous lack of tolerance, and mountains are made out of mole-hills over petty matters. This leads to a critical situation between them. If they practice the teachings of Allah Almighty, and are not insistent in their personal egos and self-esteem, then such conflicts will never arise. If husbands and wives pledge that they will continue to be a source of comfort for each other in order to seek Allah’s pleasure, then no problems will ever arise in their relationship.

The Promised Messiah(as) said that all these conflicts result from anger and impatience from both sides. They should try to suppress their anger, as suppressing of anger is liked by Allah and indeed, He has commanded it.

Every Ahmadi who has come into the Bai‘at (oath of allegiance) of the Promised Messiah(as) has promised to bring a pious change in himself and improve his marital affairs, he should try to fulfil the promise made in the Bai‘at.

When I hear of marital conflicts which lead to break up, I am reminded of an incident of a young girl who gave an excellent lesson to a couple. The young girl saw a married couple arguing and bickering in front of her, and she was so surprised to see their behavior towards one another that she continued to stare at them. The couple noticed this and asked the girl what was the matter, had she never seen her mother and father fight? Did they never get angry? The girl replied that yes, they did get angry; but when her father got angry, her mother kept quiet, and when her mother got angry, her father kept quiet. This is a way to inculcate tolerance.

So, both the husbands and wives should create the quality of tolerance in themselves. Sometimes, marriages break up in the beginning because of petty little matters. There are instances where only a few days after the wedding, the couple decides that there is no mutual compatibility between them, even though, the engagement had taken place a long time ago. They are not discreet about private matters concerning each other and disclose their secrets in public. Some of their close friends like to give counsel just to enjoy the situation, and some, due to their habit of giving wrong advice, give erroneous suggestions. As a consequence, some marriages break up. Giving counsel or advice is a trust. So if those couples, young or old, seek guidance from somebody, then it is the responsibility of an Ahmadi Muslim to give advice that builds a home, not one that breaks a home.

Both husbands and wives can cover up the faults and shortcomings of each other if they suppress their anger and have fear of Allah in their hearts. This is the reason Allah Almighty has drawn attention in the Holy Qur’an towards the term ‘garment of righteousness (Libaas-ut-Taqwa)’. In Surah Al A’raf, it is stated:

“O children of Adam! We have indeed sent down to you raiment to cover your shame and to be an elegant dress; but the raiment of righteousness, that is the best.”2

These are the signs of Allah, so people can get advice from it. Allah Almighty has provided garments to cover the body and to be a source of adornment. The main purpose of garments is to cover the physical form of a person so that humans can be distinguished from other creations. On the other hand, Allah has also said that the true garment is the garment of righteousness.

I wish to clarify that there should be a difference in the standard of the attire or garment of a believer and a non-believer. In fact, anyone who is modest has a distinctive standard. However, whether in the East or West, materialistic society gives preference to attire which is revealing or in which the body’s curves are prominent.

While the measure of being well-dressed for men means being fully clothed, these same men want women’s attire to be revealing and most women want this too. Such women have no fear of Allah, and have no covering or garment of righteousness. Most of these men desire their women to wear the latest fashions and be admired by society, and so they encourage this kind of attire, whether the clothes are revealing or not.

However, believers, both men and women, who have fear of Allah always want to wear the attire that is a source of seeking the pleasure of Allah. This is only possible when they seek the garment of Taqwa; when they dress properly with special care, and when husbands and wives who are garments to each other, instill Taqwa in their mutual relationship in front of society. Similarly, life has its ups and downs and relationships go through various stages. There can be hardships, but there is also friendship. However, a true believer does not exploit his friend’s confidentiality at times of mutual differences; neither do married couples who have Taqwa, divulge private information about each other. Rather, for the sake of attaining Allah’s pleasure they are always discreet. So this is the garment of righteousness, which not only covers physical appearance, but also covers up the faults and shortcomings of others. This cannot be achieved unless one turns to Allah Almighty because Satan is always ready to find ways to remove the garment of Taqwa from righteous people.

In the next verse, Allah Almighty states:

“O children of Adam! Let not Satan seduce you, even as he turned your parents out of the garden, stripping them of their raiment that he might show them their shame. Truly he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you see them not. Surely, we have made Satan’s friends for those who believe not.”3

Indecent clothes have already been mentioned but a believer never wears clothes which are revealing. Instead, a believer always wears modest attire so as to be a role model for others. Sometimes reports are received from here in the Western countries and also from Pakistan that young girls are not only disbanding the idea of purdah, but are also wearing dresses that are inappropriate and immodest. These acts can only be done by girls who lack the garment of Taqwa, or righteousness.

I say to every Ahmadi man and Ahmadi woman that the best garment is the garment of Taqwa. They should always try to keep it on, so that Allah’s attribute of Sattar always covers them. Then Satan, who always tries to lead men and women to abandon their purdah and expose their weaknesses, will never be successful. If they have faith and have accepted the Imam of the age, they should strive to protect themselves from Satanic temptations, and cover themselves with the garment of Taqwa or righteousness. May Allah enable us to achieve this goal, Ameen.