(Excerpt from Friday Sermon, April 4, 2008)
This advice is extremely important. Every day I receive some letters, which indicate that lack of gentleness and steadfastness is the greatest reason behind marital conflicts. The Promised Messiah(as) has shown his concern regarding this lack of kindness and gentleness. In his time, there were probably only a few people who were lacking the qualities that he was concerned about, but with the increase in the Jama’at’s membership, certain vices may increase. Therefore, we must pay attention to this.
The system of the Jama’at can carry out reformation to a certain degree. However, each individual must engage in his own real reformation himself. If every Ahmadi would heed the warning of the Promised Messiah(as), “One whose conduct is not good, I am afraid his faith is in danger,” then every Ahmadi’s heart would quiver, and it should quiver. I have observed that it is arrogance and lack of kindness and forbearance that become the basis of most conflicts. If one party says something, the other party, instead of ending the conflict by showing forbearance, replies back with more aggression. As a result, conflicts become lengthy. Islahi (counseling) Committees are unable to resolve the matter; then it is sent to Qadha (judiciary department of the Jama’at). Then if someone refuses to accept the decision of the Qadha, we have to expel such a person from the Jama’at, even though it is against our own wish.
If this happens, a perfectly good family is deprived of the enlightenment it previously enjoyed. Some people regress so far that, in their stubbornness, as the Promised Messiah(as) said, their faith becomes endangered. In fact, their faith is not just endangered; it is lost. Because of their parents’ punishment, some good-natured children are negatively affected by their parents’ actions and they have to face embarrassment in their surroundings. Then the issue of the Waqf-e-Nau children of such quarrelsome parents has to be reviewed, whether or not to continue the dedication of these children. If parents are unable to fulfil their social obligations and are not obedient to the Jama’at system, then it is unlikely that they will be able to train their children properly. Therefore, due to lack of kindness and humility, a family gambles with its own faith as well as that of its progeny. As the Promised Messiah(as) said, such people do not have the right to tell others that they have accepted the truth. Further, they may also become the cause of making a pious person drift away from Ahmadiyyat. Thus one mistake gives birth to another mistake and it continues to increase.
Therefore, for an Ahmadi who gets so overwhelmed by his anger that he becomes unmindful of the consequences, this is a matter of great concern and should be so. Most Ahmadis become troubled after being penalized. They write letters of apology and unconditionally agree to accept every decision. If they would ponder over these consequences beforehand, then at least their children and their families could be saved from humiliation.