Controlling Anger in the Home

(Excerpt from Friday Sermon, March 21, 2008)

The following example from his domestic life shows how the Holy Prophet(sa) controlled his anger and trained others in such a way that they would realize their error, without exercising harshness.

It is related that a man from the Bani Su’ata requested Hazrat A’isha(ra) if she could tell him about the Holy Prophet’s blessed characteristics. Hazrat A’isha(ra) asked, “Have you not read in the Holy Qur’an:

“And thou dost surely possess high moral excellences.”1

Then Hazrat A’isha(ra) related that once the Holy Prophet(sa) was with his Companions. She had prepared food for him and, at the same time, Hazrat Hafsah(ra) had also prepared food and sent it before she (Hazrat A’isha) could send hers. She instructed her maid to spill Hazrat Hafsah’s food out of its bowl. While placing the food in front of Prophet Muhammad(sa), the maid dropped the food in such a way that the bowl broke and the food fell down. Hazrat A’isha(ra) narrates that the Holy Prophet(sa) collected the broken pieces of the container, picked up the spilt food and put it on a leather placemat that was lying there, and then ate the same food. He returned Hazrat A’isha’s(ra) food bowl to Hazrat Hafsah(ra), saying she should accept it in lieu of hers and eat the food also. Hazrat A’isha(ra) says that there was no sign of anger on the Holy Prophet’s(sa) blessed face.2

Through his action the Holy Prophet(sa) admonished the servant and Hazrat A’isha(ra) that mutual rivalry among wives should remain within reasonable limits; in fact, there should be no animosity amongst each other. The exemplary model set by the Holy Prophet(sa) in all his affairs was not only for the people of that time; rather it is an example for us to follow till the end of the world. It should not be that we only read, listen and enjoy these examples but when the time comes, we overlook their significance.

Numerous complaints are received about how masters abuse their servants for minor mistakes. Similarly, some husbands treat their wives brutally. They beat them wrongfully. Some cases are so bad that the wives have to go to hospital. In Europe, the police often make arrests and then a series of legal cases starts. The Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet(sa) of being gentle, loving and kind towards family members is there for us to act upon. In some instances, the situation gets out of control and the husband’s relatives become a part of the quarrel. Sisters-in-law and mothers-in-law also beat the poor wife. In any case, such situations should be avoided. To control one’s anger, the Holy Prophet(sa) said that if an angry person is standing, he should sit down, and if he is sitting, then he should lie down and recite prayers of Istighfar (seek forgiveness) and Lahaul (complete surrender to God), and pour cold water over himself or perform ablution. All these admonishments have been given so that one may act on them.

In these times the Promised Messiah(as), the true servant of the Holy Prophet(sa) has presented lofty examples of noble conduct. I will mention a few here:

First, he would admonish and then remind his followers how the Holy Prophet(sa) emphasized those qualities that are essential to maintain peace in one’s home. Regarding treatment of women, the Promised Messiah(as) said:

“Except for indecency, all instances of women’s rudeness and harshness should be tolerated. I consider it to be exceptionally shameful that being a man, one should fight against a woman. God has made us men and this is actually a supreme blessing upon us. Our gratitude for this blessing lies in dealing pleasantly and gently with women.”3

On one occasion, he came to know about a friend’s rudeness and use of foul language. Someone complained that he treats his wife very harshly. The Promised Messiah(as) was very displeased to hear this and said, “Our friends should not be like this.” After this, he advised us on treatment of women for a long period.