Benevolence Towards Close Relatives – Parents and In-Laws – Respect Between Husband and Wife

(Excerpts from Friday Sermon, January 23, 2004)

If your behavior does not match up to high standards of moral conduct, then you may be wasting your acts of worship. And what are the standards that Allah wants us to uphold? He says that standard requires that you show kind treatment to your close relatives. Married men and married women have close relatives through their wives and husbands. Close relatives of married men are the relatives of their wives, and close relatives of married women are the relatives of their husbands. Both women and men are commanded to show good treatment toward these relatives; both have been given the same commandment. When husbands and wives are treating each other’s blood relatives kindly, when they are being good to the near and dear ones of each other, when they are trying to fulfil their responsibilities toward them, it is quite obvious that this in itself will increase love and affection between the husband and wife. When they make their best efforts to fulfil each other's rights, Allah says that then you will become those who safeguard the ties of kinship, that is, the bond of blood relations, and thus you will become My favored ones.

At times, a husband and wife will argue over minor issues in their home, and there may be friction between them. Allah has made the man stronger and more powerful. If a man adopts silence, probably more than eighty percent of disputes would end right there. One only has to keep in mind that one has to show kind treatment and exercise patience.

What kind of an example has our Holy Prophet(sa) set for us in this regard? It has been narrated that once Hazrat A’isha(ra) was speaking somewhat loudly and rapidly to the Holy Prophet(sa) in their home; her father, Hazrat Abu Bakr(ra), who happened to drop in, saw this and could not contain himself. He stepped forward to chastise his daughter for talking to Allah’s Prophet in such a manner. Upon seeing this, the Holy Prophet(sa) inserted himself between the father and the daughter and saved Hazrat A’isha(ra) from Hazrat Abu Bakr’s expected punishment. When Hazrat Abu Bakr(ra) left, the Holy Prophet(sa) lightheartedly said to Hazrat A’isha(ra), “See, how I saved you from your father today?” So we see what exemplary conduct this is; not only did he try to end the conflict by staying quiet, but he also told Hazrat Abu Bakr(ra), not to say anything to A’isha(ra). And then he immediately diffused the momentary tension by making a lighthearted comment.

Then it is related that, a few days later, Hazrat Abu Bakr(ra) visited again, and this time Hazrat A’isha(ra) was speaking cheerfully to the Holy Prophet(sa). Hazrat Abu Bakr(ra) said, “Since you made me a part of your quarrel, now let me participate in your happiness too.”1

The Holy Prophet(sa) was very mindful of Hazrat A’isha’s(ra) needs. Once he said to her, “A’isha, I can recognize your displeasure and happiness very well.” Hazrat A’isha(ra) asked, “How?” The Holy Prophet(sa) said, “When you are happy with me, you utter your oaths in the name of the God of Muhammad in your conversation. And when you are displeased with me, you speak of the God of Ibrahim.” Hazrat A’isha(ra) said, “Yes, O Prophet of Allah, this is correct but I desist from mentioning your name with my tongue only.” (Your love cannot leave my heart).2

The Promised Messiah(as) said:

“Except for indecency, one should tolerate all instances of women’s rudeness and harshness.” He also said, “I consider it to be exceptionally shameful that being a man, one should fight against a woman. God has made us men and this is actually a supreme blessing upon us. Our gratitude for this blessing lies in dealing pleasantly and gently with women.”3

Once a friend’s inconsiderate attitude and abusive language was being discussed; it was apparent that he treated his wife harshly. The Promised Messiah(as) was deeply grieved, distressed and angered. He said, ‘Our friends should not be like that.” After that he discussed women’s societal treatment for a long time and in the end said:

“My condition is such that once I happened to call out to my wife loudly, but I felt that the loud call filled my heart with grief, even though no hurtful or harsh word was uttered from my tongue at that time. After that, I kept reciting Istighfar (seeking forgiveness from Allah) for a long time, offered Nafl (voluntary prostrations) with great humility and concentration, and also offered some Sadaqat (charity) as this harsh attitude toward my wife was the result of my hidden shortcoming regarding the commands of Allah.”4

So, these are examples of kind treatment of wives, which are demonstrated in the actions of the Promised Messiah(as), as a result of following the Prophet Muhammad(sa). We can create peace in our home by following their examples.

Then the Promised Messiah(as) says:

“If you want God to be pleased with you in the Heavens, then your mutual relations should be like those of two brothers from the same womb. Show mercy to your subordinates, and to your wives, and to your poor brothers, so that you may be shown mercy in the Heavens. You should sincerely become His so that He becomes yours too.”5