(Excerpt from Friday Sermon, 15th January 2010)
As I am talking about occasions of joy and grief, the one considered the most joyous of these is marriage, which is also an obligation. When some Companions(ra) of the Holy Prophet(sa) said that they would spend their lives worshipping God Almighty and would not marry for that reason, the Holy Prophet(sa) did not approve. He said:
“True Taqwa (righteousness, love of Allah and fear of losing His love) lies in following my example and teaching. I have married and I also fast and offer worship.”1
It is beyond one’s ability to even imagine the exceptional quality of worship offered by the Holy Prophet(sa). Thus, it is obligatory for Muslims that they must marry, unless there is something preventing them from it or something prohibitive in the way. But there are some customs, especially in the Pakistani and Indian culture, which have crept into marriage ceremonies, which have nothing whatsoever to do with Islamic teachings.
Nowadays, so much money is spent on some of these customs that in societies where these traditions are celebrated with much show and gusto, people have started to believe that perhaps these traditions are also obligations of marriage and that a marriage cannot take place without them.
There is the tradition of Mehndi (henna party), to which people have started giving as much importance as to the marriage ceremony itself. For its celebration, dinner parties are arranged, invitation cards are printed, and stages are set up and decorated for the bride’s seating; and not only this, but the dinner parties carry on for several days, starting well before the wedding. Sometimes, these dinner parties start several weeks in advance, and each day a new stage is decorated and comments are made on how many items were on the menu one day versus the other.
These are all worldly rituals which have trapped even those who are not financially well-off and as a result, they end up suffering under the burden of debt. Non-Ahmadis practice these customs, but now even some Ahmadi families are blatantly following these frivolous and indecent customs. Some families feel compelled to follow these traditions when they should actually have had the sense to listen to and obey the directives of the Imam of the time and avoided these worldly traditions. Instead, they have followed the society around them and are allowing the grip of these customs to get tighter and tighter around them.
A few months ago, I brought it to the Jama’at’s attention that we should avoid spending unnecessarily on Mehndis and should stop turning them into huge dinner parties. On that day, there was going to be a Mehndi celebration at an Ahmadi family’s home here in London. When they heard my sermon, they cancelled the big dinner party and only invited the bride-to-be’s few friends over for dinner and sent the rest of the food to Baitul Futuh Mosque for a function that was scheduled there. So, these are the Ahmadis who respond quickly when something is brought to their attention, and then also write letters to apologize.
But I have received some complaints from Pakistan, and even from Rabwah, that some people have been over-indulging in these customs and because Rabwah is a small city, whatever is done there quickly becomes quite apparent to all. So now I am saying this very loud and clear—stop following these indecent rituals and customs and put an end to them.
The Promised Messiah(as) once said:
“People in our nation have the bad habit of wasting hundreds of rupees on marriage ceremonies”2
A hundred years ago, or even before that, spending hundreds of rupees was a huge expenditure. But today it is not a matter of hundreds of rupees but hundreds and thousands of rupees, well beyond one’s means, which has probably surpassed the hundreds of rupees of that time.
The Promised Messiah(as) also said that fireworks and the like are not allowed.3 People are arranging fireworks now for weddings. Nowadays, people also decorate their homes with lights during weddings and do so excessively. On the one hand, there is this outcry which everyone coming from Pakistan speaks of that there is a power shortage there, that load shedding goes on for hours and that everything has become unbearably expensive; on the other hand, some homes are spending unnecessarily and excessively and are thus not only harming their country but are also committing sin.
Therefore, Pakistani Ahmadis in general should be careful not to be wasteful, and there should be particular regard for this in Rabwah. And in Rabwah, it is the responsibility of Sadr ‘Umumi to monitor that there is no excessive spending and showing off of one’s wealth and prestige during weddings.
It is due to God’s special Grace bestowed on the Jama’at that its members have been able to stay away from the customs associated with occasions of sorrow. Ahmadis stay away from customs such as satvan, dasvan and chalisvan (customs observed on 7th, 10th and 40th day after death) etc., that are observed by non-Ahmadi Muslims. These customs at times, in fact oftentimes, become a burden on family members. But if people get caught up in one type of erroneous custom under the pressure of society, then they can easily get caught up in the other kinds as well and then these kinds of things may start here in the Jama’at as well.
Thus, every Ahmadi should remember his or her status; that it is a blessing of Allah Almighty, that He has enabled them to join the Jama’at of the Promised Messiah(as). Now it is their duty to follow true Islamic teachings. In regard to marriages, the only obligatory act according to Islamic teaching is the marriage itself, so an event can be arranged for that. If one has the means, one can serve dinner as well. However, it is not obligatory for every marriage ceremony that guests must be invited and dinner served at the arrival of the bridegroom and his family. If the groom’s party is coming from afar, then dinner can be arranged just for them. But if the laws of the country prohibit this, then one should not serve dinner in that fashion and should only have limited dinner arrangements at one’s home for family members and the few people who have come with the groom. This is because at one time the laws of Pakistan had imposed restrictions. I do not know what the current situation is but to some extent, restrictions still exist.
The other obligatory event is the Walimah which is the actual commandment for the groom’s family to invite their near ones and to serve them a meal. In fact, in Islam this is the only wedding occasion for which the commandment to serve a meal has been given. But even that need not be on a large scale. One can invite people and serve a meal according to one's own means.
So, as I mentioned, Allah has communicated to us the purpose of our creation. Every act that is an act of goodness, and is for the sake of pleasing God Almighty, becomes an act of worship. If we keep this in mind, then this alone will become our salvation and through this we can save ourselves from these customs. We can save ourselves from wrongful innovations in faith, we can save ourselves from excessive spending, we can save ourselves from indecencies and we can save ourselves from oppression.
One type of oppression is the obvious oppression which cruel and unjust people inflict on others. Then there is another type of oppression which people sometimes subconsciously inflict on their own selves by becoming trapped in these customs and traditions. Then, by establishing these customs in society, they also inflict oppression upon those less well-off, who begin to believe that perhaps these customs have now become an obligation.
A society, where these kinds of oppressions, indecencies, and wrongful innovations in faith take hold, becomes transformed into a society where people encroach on each other's rights, and as I have just mentioned, where people inflict cruelty on each other. But if we safeguard ourselves from these ills, we will be safeguarding ourselves from usurping the rights of others. We will be safeguarded against inflicting oppression; and we will become those with whom Allah is pleased.
And today, who speaks louder than an Ahmadi for a society where people are concerned with pleasing Allah and fulfilling the rights of others? Today, who besides an Ahmadi pledges to shun blind pursuit of worldly customs and to shun base material desires? Today, who besides an Ahmadi pledges to live in complete subservience to the teachings of the Holy Qur’an? Today, who besides an Ahmadi pledges to keep Allah’s Word and the sayings of the Holy Prophet(sa) as a guide for his or her each and every action?
1 Sahih al-Bukhari 5063, Book 67, Hadith 1
2 Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, Majmu‘a Ishtiharat, Vol, 1, Page 70
3 Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, Malfoozat, Vol. 5, Page 49