A Comprehensive Message

On 23 July 2011 at the occasion of Jalsa Salana UK the Quranic verses Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) asked to be recited before his address are the four Quranic verses that make up the nikah sermon and which have been included at the start of this book along with translation. This address of Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) is replete with advice which Ahmadi Muslim ladies should always keep in view.

After reciting Tashahhud, T‘awwudh, and Surah Fatihah, Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said:

“The verses that were just recited before you at the beginning of the session are verses from three different Surahs, which are read at the time of nikah. Generally speaking, the nikah is mostly attended by men, so they know about these verses. That is, at least they know these verses are recited at nikah; I am not saying they also know about acting upon them. However, ladies do not attend the nikah often; hence I selected these verses to briefly speak on the subject to the ladies.

“These verses point out most significant matters to men and woman regarding fulfilling the important bond of nikah and marriage. The first significant matter to which attention is drawn is taqwa (righteousness). As you have been informed, the first verse among these verses is from Surah Al-Nisa. The second and third are verses from Surah Al-Ahzab and the fourth is a verse from Surah Al-Hashr.

“As mentioned before, the first thing to which attention is drawn is taqwa (righteousness). The word taqwa is used twice in the first verse, the second verse also mentions taqwa, and the fourth and final verse mentions taqwa twice. In short, taqwa (righteousness) is mentioned five times in the verses recited at the time of nikah, and each time taqwa is mentioned, it is stated: adopt the taqwa of Allah and adopt the taqwa of your Lord. After this, a new instruction is given to adopt taqwa (righteousness) so that your practices are such, because you have to adopt taqwa in order to undertake these practices and because these are the practices which are essential for you to fulfil this bond.

“I mentioned regarding righteousness yesterday, that the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) wishes to see a very high standard of righteousness in us. Allah the Exalted told him that if man inculcates the root of righteousness, it is through this alone that he will acquire everything. The status and dignity of the material world, this world and worldly knowledge are all insignificant. If a true believing man and a true believing woman considers that he or she must give precedence to faith over worldly matters, and wishes that the pledge he or she repeats should become the voice of his or her heart and he or she wishes to practice it, then the root for achieving all this is righteousness. Without it, neither can pledges be fulfilled nor can a true believing man and a true believing woman affirm the condition of their faith. If it is established, then one will attain the faith and also this world.

“When a man or a woman claims to have faith and claims to be a true believer, then certainly it is his or her wish and biggest of all wishes, and indeed it should be so, that he or she finds God so that his or her world and faith are both adorned. Thus, it is extremely important to practice righteousness if God is to be attained and His pleasure is sought. Righteousness is to forsake the smallest of ills with disgust and to adopt the smallest of virtues with deepest sincerity of heart. One is not to define vices and virtues oneself; rather, it is also righteousness to look for the definitions in the commandments of Allah the Exalted, to look for them in the Sayings and Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him). One should read the pronouncements of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) who was sent as the Imam of the Age to clarify the true teachings of Islam to people. Read them and also note them and try and put them in practice, and see which matters are forbidden because they are vices, and see which matters have been enjoined upon us because they are virtues and merits.

“These are not the only verses enjoining righteousness; rather, the Holy Qur’an enjoins this in numerous places. The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘In the Holy Qur’an more emphasis has been laid on commandments to adopt virtue and righteousness than on any other commandment. The reason for this is that righteousness bestows the strength to resist all vice and urges progress towards all good. Righteousness is in all circumstances is a means of protection that guarantees security and is a citadel for safeguarding against all harm. A righteous person can avoid many vain and harmful contentions that often lead other people to ruin. They sow the seed of dissension among the people through their hasty actions and suspicions and lay themselves open to objection.’ (Ayyam-us-Sulh, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 14, p. 342)

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) further says that man’s entire spiritual beauty is in treading the fine pathways of righteousness.

“‘The spiritual beauty of man is to walk along all the fine ways of righteousness. They are the attractive features of spiritual beauty. It is obvious that to be mindful of the trusts of God Almighty, and to fulfil all the covenants of faith, and to employ all faculties and limbs both overt, like eyes and ears and hands and feet and others like them, and those that are covert, like the mind and other faculties and qualities, on their proper occasions and to restrain them from coming into action on improper occasions, and to be warned against the subtle attacks of vice and to be mindful of the rights of one’s fellow beings, is the way of perfecting one’s spiritual beauty. God Almighty has in the Holy Qur’an designated righteousness as a raiment. Libas-ut-taqwa is an expression of the Holy Qur’an. This is an indication that spiritual beauty and spiritual ornament are achieved through righteousness. Righteousness means that one must be mindful even of the smallest details of the Divine trusts and covenants and also of all the trusts and covenants of one’s fellow beings, as far as it may be possible. That is, one must try to fulfil, to the best of one’s ability, all the requirements in their minutest details.’ (Barahin-e-Ahmadiyya, Part V, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 21, pp. 209-210; Essence of Islam, Vol. II, pp. 347-348)

“Thus, this is the standard which when acquired, saves society from many problems. This is the standard which, if generated in us, turns our worldly pursuits into pursuits of our faith. Whatever wish we have, it will be for the pleasure of Allah the Exalted. One who seeks the pleasure of Allah the Exalted has no such desire that can only be attained through a complete devotion to worldly pursuits.

“Men and women are the basic unit of society. Although they are different genders, they have a connection and after joining in the relationship as husband and wife, they become a unit. This is the relationship and the bond from which the next generation ensues. If this unit and couple does not have righteousness, then there is also no guarantee for the righteousness of the next generation. There is also no guarantee for the high morals and righteousness of society, because a society is formed by the numerical growth of humanity. Therefore, when a believer is in search of righteousness, it is not just for himself, rather it is also for his offspring and for his society. When this fundamental unit espouses such righteousness, it will be a guarantor for the righteousness of the next generation and there will also be a guarantee of righteousness of society and high morals will be witnessed.

“As the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has said: ‘Righteousness is a means of protection, (an amulet) for security. Indeed, everyone no matter which religion one belongs to, or even one who does not believe in religion, desires to remain in the sphere of security. Whether or not one gives security to the other, one wishes security for him or herself. A villain, a thief, a robber would doubtlessly harm others but would want himself to be safe from all kinds of losses. Thus, if every person wishes to have security, does not want to receive any harm, wants his night and day to pass safely and soundly, wants to remain safe from every enemy and remain protected from every trouble and does not want to face difficulties–if a true believer wishes all this–the way for him to achieve this is to adopt righteousness. The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has clarified this point for us that if you want security, you should adopt righteousness. Righteousness alone is a means of protection which is a guarantor of your security. With righteousness one comes in the refuge of Allah the Exalted.’

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says in another place: ‘If you become God’s, know for certain that God is yours. You will be asleep and God will stay awake for you.’ (Kashti-e-Nuh, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 19, p. 22)

“Thus, one for whom God will stay awake and give protection from all evil comes into a tremendous sphere of security which no power on earth can break. However, as Allah the Exalted has stated it the Qur’an and the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has also explained, that such security is conditional to righteousness. It is necessary to avoid every vice while being mindful of adopting the fear of Allah the Exalted, as it is essential to adopt every virtue. When fear of God is instilled in the real sense, man avoids vices. This is why the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said that righteousness gives strength to avoid every single vice and when this strength is attained, man obtains that priceless means of protection which is a guarantee of security. Man comes into a strong citadel around which Allah the Exalted has arranged guards which no satanic ploy can penetrate. Satanic thoughts and feelings develop only when man forgets Allah the Exalted and does not fear Him. Thus, by adopting the fear of God, man cannot ever make a move which displeases Allah the Exalted and destroys the peace of the world, which destroys the peace of society and destroys the peace and security of one’s family.

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says that by coming in this citadel one is sheltered from many evils, is safeguarded and is protected from useless and dangerous altercations. Thus, in today’s society we need to avoid idle and meaningless matters and create peace and tranquillity in our lives. Allah the Exalted has taught us different ways to avoid and help others avoid various evils and dangerous altercations. Unfortunately, people do not pay attention to these ways and ruin their life. They thus deprive themselves of the elegance that Allah the Exalted has facilitated for a true believing man and a true believing woman, which should be the badge of honour of a true believing man and a true believing woman, and would greatly enhance his or her [spiritual] beauty.

“Clothes and apparent beauty are insignificant. Real beauty is what Allah the Exalted grants. Women take a lot of care of their beauty and adornment, but there are many who remain unaware of their real beauty. Beauty does not come from applying make-up, dressing up and wearing jewellery. Real beauty is what Allah the Exalted has taught. Women remain unaware of that beauty which enhances their real beauty manifold. This does not come from gaining freedom, does not come from losing oneself in the futilities of the society, if does not come from giving up the hijab, does not come from uncovering one’s head and does not come from making materialistic demands upon husbands. There is also beauty for men which does not come from marrying fashionable women, rather it comes from adopting righteousness of Allah the Exalted. Being influenced by the Western ways, some of our women too consider that perhaps this is what beauty is. It should always be remembered that this beauty comes from wearing the raiment of righteousness and raiment of righteousness can be availed by those who, whether men or women, try with all their capacities and capabilities to fulfil their covenants of faith and trusts.

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says (I am explaining the extract I just presented) that we should use all our physical faculties to fulfil these trusts. It is the duty of every man and woman that they should use their eyes, ears, tongue and every other faculty by making them subservient to the pleasure of Allah the Exalted. It is seen that the tongue, ears and eyes play a significant role in marital conflicts. Men do not employ them properly and women do not employ them properly. I have mentioned this before that when couples ask for advice, I often say to them that if they use their tongue, ears and eyes properly for each other, their problems would never arise. If gentle and affectionate speech is employed, problems can never arise. Similarly, it has been generally seen, when cases and problems are brought up, be it men or be it women, it is the tongue that goes on prolonging the conflicts. A time comes when they make their minds up or are inclined to make their minds up that they do not want to be together. Likewise, shut your ears to things about close familial (–rehmi) ties on both sides and other such matters by paying ear to which there is a likelihood of some kind of resentment. Sometimes if a person or a party says something wrong, the other also retorts back in kind. If one shuts one’s ears for a short time in order to stop conflict, many problems can subside there and then and apart from the problems of habitually quarrelsome men and women, generally conflicts do not come to pass. Therefore, shut your ears and you will come in peace. I relate an account and it is a true account that a husband and wife were quarrelling while a little girl was watching them in astonishment. A short while later, they both realised the error of their way and in order to cover their embarrassment they asked the girl, ‘do your mother and father never argue or speak harshly with each other or do not get upset?’ The girl replied, ‘Yes, if my father is angry my mother stays quiet and if my mother is angry my father stays quiet and the disagreement does not go any further in our home.’ Such is the good influence it can have on children. Keep your eyes shut to each other’s shortcomings and keep your eyes open to each other’s good qualities. After all, each person, be it a man or a woman, has good qualities as well as shortcomings. I have seen that men are usually the first to start spotting the shortcomings of women. When women start looking for shortcomings in response, they go so far ahead that there is no turning back. Moreover, one should not even look at what is forbidden and which dishonours one’s righteousness. Domestic problems can damage mutual trust but if purity of sight is maintained then this damage does not occur and problems go away. Then, do not let your heart be desirous of what is forbidden, keep it filled with fear of Allah the Exalted. This results in problems never arising and Satan does not ever enter one’s heart stealthily to create discord in families. Satan does not only signify a person whose way of entry may be evident and is detected. Each bad company, each bad friend who will try to destroy your home, who will try and incite you against your husband, against the mother-in-law, against the sister-in-law, or will try to incite a husband against his wife, or one who will say something trivial that will create anxiety in one’s heart, is a Satan. Thus, it is the obligation of each believing man and each believing woman to be heedful of such Satans. The foundation of the union of marriage is strengthened once mutual trust is established. If trust is lost then the very same palace that was erected with the promise of love and affection is razed to the ground; in fact it turns to ruins.

“Therefore, while a true believer tries his best to fulfil his pledge made with his God, he also tries his best to fulfil the pledge made with humankind. As I said yesterday as well, without discharging dues of humankind the standards of discharging the dues of Allah cannot be attained. Cracks begin to appear in this regard too and once a crack appears in a utensil it gradually increases in size. Thus, fulfilling dues of humankind is also very important and in this instance the dues of husband and wife on each other are very significant. Their significance is for the betterment of society and the next generation. Therefore, it is a huge responsibility of a true believer to fulfil them.

“The reason Allah the Exalted has drawn attention to the rights of husband and wife and the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) selected these verses for the time of nikah is so that husband and wife discharge each other’s rights while staying firm on righteousness. Then alone would they be able to fulfil the trusts of Allah the Exalted and the pledges of faith as well as the trust and pledges of society in a proper manner. Thus, every believing man and believing woman, every Ahmadi man and woman should remember that their covenants will only be fulfilled when they try and fulfil the basic right of every relationship.

“While Allah the Exalted has created holy matrimony to facilitate each other’s comfort, it is also a means of procreation of humankind. From it ensue that generation which, if brought up well through tarbiyyat, then becomes the guarantor of peace of society. Physical gratification and continuation of race alone are not the only objectives, for this is found in even animals. Allah the Exalted has created humans as the most eminent of all creation and this entails some requisites. For humankind there is also mental gratification in this. This is why the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has said that compatibility should be kept in mind in matrimonial matches. Compatibility involves many things, like family and education, but this is also used as an excuse not to go ahead with a match or even break marriages. If one adopts righteousness, such excuses are not made, on the contrary, right decisions are made. Relationships provide mental gratification as well as spiritual gratification. Empathy between husband and wife considerably promotes mental, spiritual and educational tarbiyyat of the next generation. A man and woman who lay the foundation of a family, in fact lay the foundation of a society; they lay the foundation of either making a nation good or bad. Therefore, there is great need to reflect on this.

“By citing the word righteousness five times at the time of nikah, Allah the Exalted has drawn our attention that our each action, each word, each practice should not be just for ourselves. On the contrary, while based on righteousness and fear of Allah the Exalted, it should also fulfil the dues of Allah as well as those of one another. When this is achieved, progeny that prays for parents is born. As is stated in the Holy Qur’an, owing to the pious upbringing by parents, the offspring thus pray for their parents:

“‘My Lord, have mercy on them even as they nourished me in my childhood.’ (17:25)

“This [prayer] does not only signify physical nurturing by parents, rather, it entails their care towards education and training, care towards spiritual betterment, care towards moral training and care towards worldly education so that one may become a useful part of society. However, such people are not born in homes where conflicts take place, where only egotistical matters are raised by mothers and fathers. Apart from in some families, when Allah wills that in reaction to the way their parents are, children grow up to be different. They develop disgust for their parent, mother or father, whoever commits unfairness. They leave home and focus on their own tarbiyyat, although there are very few of this kind. It is therefore very important that in order to save our progeny we do not make our own selves the sole focal point of our attention. Rather, it is essential to instil the habit to sacrifice one’s thoughts and one’s emotions; then alone can a beautiful society be created.

“Only a believing child, that is, a person who has an insight into what righteousness is, can be drawn to make this prayer. He realises righteousness is that in gratefulness of the favours of his parents, he seeks God’s help for them and prays for their betterment. Allah the Exalted has spread men and women in multitudes and has also spread them through disbelievers. Allah the Exalted has stated that O’ men and women, you have been spread in multitudes, adopt the taqwa of Allah. That is, if those special people who are inclined to religion seek God’s pleasure, if they want religion, then they should search for that righteousness which takes one to God. They should search for that humility and fear which will stop them from vices for the sake of Allah the Exalted and will enable them to do good. In fact, we observe in the world that in terms of population the number of disbelievers is greater in comparison to believers. However, here attention is drawn to the realisation that real preponderance is of those who practice righteousness because theirs will be a good ultimate ending and it is through them alone that peace and harmony of the world is established. Therefore, do not be impressed by materialistic people, rather follow righteousness so that you become recipients of the blessings of Allah the Exalted. Your offspring also will pray for you and will be a source of elevating your station.

“At times one issue is raised a lot in our marital problems that come to the fore, by both men and women, and that is that one of them disparages the other’s parents or siblings. Men accuse women and women accuse men of belittling their parents, saying such and such about them and being abusive about them. This is remote from righteousness and this creates discord in families. It is not a matter of only making accusations, at times these turn out to be the truth where children are provoked against grandparents and improper words are used for each other’s close relatives and efforts are made to turn children against them. Allah the Exalted states this is far removed from righteousness and this is not righteousness and here you are distancing yourselves from righteousness. Therefore, be careful of your (rehmi–familial) relations as well.

“These verses also draw attention to this, the very first verse enjoins to take care of one’s rehmi relations.

“Rather than only be considerate themselves, parents should also teach their children the sanctity and respect of rehmi relations. Then only can a pure society be established. Indeed, parents should take great care for the sanctity of this because the examples of parents influence children. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) who understood human nature more than anyone else selected these verses for the nikah sermon and thus made men and women realise at the time of joining in ma trimony, or tried to make them realise, to always remember that the bond of a husband and wife is a bond in which, whilst one has to have warm feelings and sentiments for one another, one also has to respect one another’s rehmi relations. This is essential if one is a true believer. If one has fear of Allah the Exalted, then, one is obligated to utilise one’s apparent organs and limbs as well as one’s heart for the betterment of rehmi relations. If women do not do this, or men do not do this, then they should remember that Allah the Exalted is watching over them and can see their actions and deeds. When Allah the Exalted states that He is watching over them, He also chastises those practices of men and women, which do not realise the dues of rehmi relations. Thus, from the very first day a man and a woman should come together in the bond of marriage with the thought that there is not just one bond to be fulfilled. The husband and wife do not only have each other’s relationship to fulfil, rather, they have to fulfil all the close relationships. This is the thought with which a wife should run her husband’s home and this is the thought with which a man should marry a woman; that is, they will fulfil the rights of their wider relationships, the rehmi relationships in addition to their own relationship. If we understand this view thoroughly and then instil it in our society, there will be an extraordinary reduction in the number of conflicts that start with trivial matters and lead up to physical abuse and police involvement and result in khula and divorce.

“Further, honesty is the root of all good. This is why when a man said he could only give up one vice and asked which vice should it be, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) told him to give up lying and always tell the truth. By following this, each time the man intended to do something wrong, one by one all his vices were removed. (Commentary by Imam Razi, Vol. 16, p. 176)

“This is the reason Allah the Exalted has stated to adopt honesty.

“The second verse read at the time of nikah, which the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) chose, states that righteousness is in saying what is right and clear. Some things are certainly true at times, but they can have many meanings, which can be both positive and negative. Some very clever people say what suits them and then say they meant such and such, and what they say is also correct but everyone else has another understanding of it. It is stated here; say qawl e sadeed (the right word), and qawl e sadeed means to say what is exceptionally clear and true. As I said, some people craftily say something, both men and women, especially when their cases of conflict are being presented or their matters are brought up. [God states] It is stated that for one, say everything truthfully when arranging matrimonial matches. If a proposal comes for a girl, her health, age, height etc. whatever it may be, should be told very clearly. All the information should be given to the boy. However, after receiving the information, it is the obligation of the boys not to turn up simply to look at the girl. Rather, after receiving the information, they should pray and then only go with the intention of arranging a match. If they go with this intention a pure society will be created. When matches will be looked for with righteousness, girls will not experience the anxieties that they do. Similarly, boys should very clearly tell about their education, health etc. and if they have any shortcomings, these should be communicated very clearly. Because qawl e sadeed entails that everything should be clearly explained before a match is arranged. If these matters are revealed beforehand there would be no question of conflicts and quarrels escalating later on. In some matches where girls come from Pakistan, India or other countries, matters are not disclosed correctly and clearly and lies are told. As a result, when the girls arrive here, within a short period the situation ends up in khula or divorce, which is an extremely abhorrent act in the sight of God. In spite of not being deemed haram (forbidden) and being deemed permissible, it is still considered to be extremely abhorrent and should be avoided.

“Likewise, if the required information is provided beforehand many instances of early khula or divorce can be avoided.

“Some girls and boys wish to get married elsewhere but agree to go with the choice of their parents wherever the parents insist on them being married. These marriages break up after a short while. Parents should also employ qawl e sadeed and should tell the family with whom they are arranging match that they have pressured their son or daughter into the match so that the other party can make their decision judiciously.

“The basis of the mutual confidence that is built after marriage should also be on qawl e sadeed; on what is clear, unambiguous and truthful. Allah the Exalted knows human nature and has given upholding truth as the basic instruction for societal peace to help fulfil mutual relationships and to live in peace and wellbeing. It should be such truth which is not confusing in any way at all. It is stated that if one promises to always say what is clear and unambiguous and not go near lies and misinformation, Allah the Exalted guarantees forgiveness of one’s sins. This causes one’s deeds to be reformed and obviously when deeds are reformed and one works to gain the pleasure of Allah the Exalted, then Allah the Exalted also loves that person. Just as I explained by giving the example of Hadith that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said to stop telling lies and your other vices will be removed. Thus, everyone should adopt this principle.

“Every person’s permanence, be it man or woman, is in obedience of the commandments of Allah and His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him). If one claims to be a true believer, be it a man or a woman, then one has to abide by these commandments, therein is our success. One would garner bounties of Allah the Exalted in this life as well being the recipient of blessings in the Hereafter.

“The last verse also draws attention with reference to righteousness that this world should not be considered one’s sole wealth; it should not be considered that this world is everything. Be aware and be mindful and this is not an insignificant matter, so be particularly mindful what have you sent forth for tomorrow, what virtues are you practising? What righteousness have you adopted? Have you safeguarded your Salat? Have you fulfilled the dues of your husbands and have the husbands fulfilled the dues of wives? Have the dues of children been fulfilled? Have you upheld your pledges and protected your rehmi (familial) relations? There will be accountability by Allah the Exalted for all of this, so be mindful of what you have sent forth because the real blessings which will be everlasting are the blessings of the Hereafter. Remember not to think that your practices in this world are hidden from Allah the Exalted. Allah the Exalted states that He is well aware of everything you do. This verse is yet again reminding that the root of every evil is in not following righteousness and not paying attention to it. Thus, if you want real moral and spiritual advancement, remember it is not possible without faith and belief in Allah the Exalted and sincere practice of His commandments.

“Therefore, matrimonial matters and fulfilment of relationships appear to be a worldly pursuit but for a believer, even his worldly pursuits are for the sake of his faith. An Ahmadi believing man or woman indeed has to and should live his or her life in the manner that would fulfil his or her pledges. Then alone will they become recipients of blessings and will be fulfilling the pledge that an Ahmadi makes with the Imam of the Age, the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) after entering the Jama’at in the form of the pledge of allegiance of bai’at. Our girls and women should also be mindful that their foremost obligation is to abide by righteousness and to seek the pleasure of Allah the Exalted. Marriage too is to seek the pleasure of God and for the continuation of pious progeny. In this regard, when enjoining men about the qualities they should look for and give preference to in a match, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said a woman’s piety should be given preference.

“In a Hadith, Hazrat Abdullah bin Amr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that this world is a provision and the best entity of benefit in the world is a pious woman. (Sunan ibn e Maja, Kitabul Nikah, No. 1855)

“That is, a pious woman is the best among the provisions needed to spend life in this world. Likewise, another Hadith relates that Hazrat Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her religion, but you should give preference to a religious woman. May God bless you and enable you to get a religious woman.’ (Sahih Bukhari, Kitabul Nikah, No. 5090)

“Thus, if our men also abide by righteousness and keep these qualities in view, every girl will follow virtuous ways more than ever. With the grace of Allah the Exalted our girls, our young women generally follow virtuous ways. However, those who are influenced by society should also enhance their standards of virtue. When girls will enhance their standards of virtue considering it as a benchmark for matrimonial match, they will also try and seek those boys who have higher standards of virtues. Compatibility is in the standard of piety and righteousness being the same. It cannot be that a villain, a thief and robber says that he wishes for a pious and virtuous wife who abides by righteousness. It should not be assumed that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) considered men to be pious and thus told them that they all were very pious and were touching the high standards of piety therefore they should seek a pious woman. He certainly prayed for the person [in the Hadith] because he must have known about his piety. However, he also imparted a matter of principle and told men that they too should become pious and then marry pious women. If they were not pious and were embroiled in bad practices how could they seek pious wives? Indeed, it is a pious man alone who will seek a pious wife and thus man and woman will abide by righteousness and focus on establishing their relationship and raising pious children. Attention has been drawn to the fact that they both should uphold virtues so that a pious generation ensues; a generation which would create a beautiful society which would abide by righteousness and a family which would abide by righteousness.

“Thus, lack of patience, love of the world and distance from righteousness has created fissures in the sacred relationships of husbands and wives in the world today. The solution lies in practising these Qur’anic commandments alone. I have to regretfully to say that our girls, women and men are being influenced by the current ways of the world.

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) stated: ‘Do not emulate those nations who have fallen completely to materialism.’ (Kashti-e-Nuh, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 19, p. 22)

“Do not to follow those people who consider this world everything. The divorce rate in the world and in these [Western] countries has particularly gone up sharply. It has been high among materialistic people for a long time. Marriage lasts for a while and then breaks down. This environment is affecting Ahmadis as well, not just here but also in Pakistan, India and other places. Therefore, we should be drawn towards our reformation, lest in imitating the world we too drown ourselves in the darkness which is destroying the world and is responsible for its destruction. On the contrary, we should keep our weaknesses in view and focus on our reformation.

“A very worrying analysis has come before me as I review different countries. In general terms the situation is that our rate of divorce and khula is continuing to rise. The reason for this is impatience, lack of virtues and distance from righteousness. When I reviewed the situation of the last three years here in the UK, I was astonished that the rate of divorce and khula has gone up approximately 3% and 20% of all marriages are ending in divorce. This is a worrying situation and we need to pay a great deal of attention to it. When looked into, the reasons behind this are the ones I mentioned earlier; use of abusive language between husband and wife, bad morals and a lack of tolerance. There is also the interference of parents, siblings and relatives; be it the siblings and parents of the man or the woman. Interference in each other’s relations worsens the situation. Although it is enjoined to fulfil rehmi relations, parents and siblings are also commanded not to create conflict and to let the husband and wife live in peace. If this were practiced, relationships would never break so rapidly. Then there is also the factor of not being truthful. Boys come here from abroad to get married, girls here are educated. It is asserted that the boy is a graduate but is later found out that he has even failed his Matric and the relationship breaks. Similarly, shortcomings in girls are found out. So truth should always be employed.

“In some cases the situation is so bad that I now want to say to older women that one of the complaints of relationships breaking is that mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law hit their daughters-in-law. Not only do they get the husbands to hit them but they also strike them, which is not warrantable in any way.

“Once they are here, boys get involved in certain bad practices and do not want their wives to stay with them. If the wife is from Pakistan they want to take her back to Pakistan under some excuse or the other. Mutual rights are not fulfilled and when the Jama’at tries to resolve matters, they do not cooperate with the Jama’at. In short, there are so many reasons which cause breakup of relationships and they are all based on one factor: lack of righteousness, and for this reason the rate of breakups is continuing to increase. May Allah the Exalted give sense to men and to women in that abiding by righteousness they try and fulfil their relationships.

“We should pay heed to and value the favour bestowed on us by Allah the Exalted that He has included us in the Jama’at, we should have Allah’s pleasure in view and should be mindful of what we have sent forth for tomorrow rather than what personal gain we have made in this world. May Allah the Exalted enable all men and women to do so.”

(Address to ladies delivered at Jalsa Salana UK 23 July 2011. Published in Al Fazl International 4 May 2012)