Addressing women at an annual Ijtema of Lajna Ima’illah UK, Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) counselled with reference to advice of Ummul Momineen Hazrat Amma Jan.
“I will now present some advice of Hazrat Amma Jan, Ummul-Mo’minin (mother of the believers) (may Allah be pleased with her) to you, which she gave to Hazrat Nawab Mubarakah Begum Sahiba, who was the daughter of the daughter of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) and Hazrat Amma Jan at the time of her marriage. I will present some of the advice to you. She said: ‘Never do something secretly from your husband or something that you feel the need to hide from him. Your husband may not have been watching, but God always watches, and the matter eventually becomes evident and the woman loses her regard and respect.’ She continues: ‘If something happens against the wishes of the husband, do not ever hide it. You should admit it clearly, because respect lies in this alone. Concealing matters always leads to disrespect and disregard for a woman, and lowers her honour.’ Then she said: ‘Never speak when your husband is angry. If he is angry at a child or a servant, and you know that he is in the wrong, is in a state of anger; telling a child off or saying something to someone else, and it is clear to you that he is wrong, do not say anything to him even then. A woman who argues with a man while he is in a state of temper, loses her respect. Often, disagreements occur due to this kind of impatience. The man loses his temper, says something to the children or to someone else, and the woman immediately reacts in the same vein and the conflict escalates.’ She continues: ‘If the husband responds to your intrusion with anger, you will be greatly humiliated. Later, once the husband has cooled down, you certainly may gently point out his error to him. Rectification is also obligatory.’
“Men and women should also remember the principle mentioned in the Hadith that relates that when angered, if you are standing up, sit down or perform wudu’ (ablution); it cools off the anger. When I receive some complaints I say to men that there is no shortage of water in this country. Turn on your shower or tap and put your head under it, your anger will cool off.
“Anyhow, Hazrat Amma Jan (may Allah be pleased with her) further counsels her daughter to consider the relatives and the children of the relatives of one’s husband as one’s own. As was mentioned in the Hadith, and I have also mentioned this with reference to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) that he said: ‘Consider each other’s close familial relations as your own.’ Hazrat Amma Jan (may Allah be pleased with her) continues: ‘Do not think ill of anyone even if they do something bad to you, wish everyone well from the heart. If someone does something wrong to you, let them, but you should not let ill-thinking of others enter your heart. Do not even retaliate with your actions. Observe then how God will always bless you.’
“She would always counsel young people and say, as you are going to a new home, do not say anything there that may create any dislike or doubt in the hearts of your in-laws and may become a means of disgracing you and your parents. Thus, one should never interfere in the matters of the in-laws–let their matters be–neither should one speak to the husband about the sisters-in-law or mother-in-law in a remonstrative way.
“As I mentioned earlier, Hazrat Nawab Mubarakah Begum Sahiba, who was the eldest daughter of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace), she has also related the advice of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him), who would counsel her and other young girls with this advice as well. And I believe that this advice and putting it in practice is more important today than it ever was. Twelve and thirteen year old girls, who are entering into their youth, should certainly say this prayer. Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) often said to her [Hazrat Nawab Mubarakah Begum Sahiba]: ‘Look, there is no shame in front of Allah the Exalted. Indeed, you are young, but you should keep on praying to God that He gives you a pious and blessed matrimonial match.’”
(Annual Ijtema Lajna Ima’illah UK 4 October 2009. Published in Al Fazl International 18 December 2009)