Ego is one of the main causes of the onset of problems between a husband and wife is big ego. Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) shed light on this weakness and said:
“These days, it becomes a source of great distress to hear incidents concerning marital friction through letters or through hearing from some acquaintances. Our aims and objectives are so lofty, yet here we are, making a mountain of a mole-hill in terms of our egos and getting entangled in trivial matters. In the process we make the small paradise of our homes into hell and rather than play positive roles in the advancement of the Jama’at, we play negative roles. May Allah the Exalted give sense to whichever party tries to instigate these issues by entangling themselves and the other party as well as the Nizam e Jama’at and ultimately sometimes also me in their egocentric webs. May they understand the objective for which Allah the Exalted sent the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace)!
“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘The task for which God appointed me is to remove the animosity that has come to pass in the relationship between God and His creation and to once again establish love and sincerity.’…This is a great objective which every Ahmadi should try and fulfil and be ever keen in this regard. No Ahmadi can help the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) in attaining this objective until they rid themselves of their egocentric tendencies and practice the pure guidance given to us by the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace)… Each Ahmadi should reflect over themselves and their homes and see if we have drifted away from the Quranic teaching and unconsciously distanced ourselves from the teachings of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace)? Are we entangled in the webs of our egos?
“Both young men and young women should reflect over this matter as well as [older] men and women; in addition, both sides of in-laws should self-reflect because at times complaints come from the girl and sometimes from the boy’s side. Sometimes the boy’s side is being unfair, at other times the girl’s side is being unfair, although in majority of the cases it is the male side that commits the excesses. Recently I asked the Ameer Sahib here to review the situation of ever-increasing [marital] disagreements and see how much are the young men blameworthy and how much are the young women blameworthy and how much are both sets of parents responsible for further confusing the problems. The review informs us that if it is the girl’s culpability in one matter, the boys are culpable in almost three, that is, most problems are arising due to the unfairness of young men whereas in 30% to 40% of the matters it is the in-laws who create the friction. Here too the girl’s parents are less responsible.”
Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) added: “Islam has given us the most beautiful teaching to establish our domestic life and create an air of love and affection. It is surprising and sad that people get embroiled in the webs of their big egos and become the cause of ruining two homes, two families and many times the next generation. May Allah have mercy! The wisdom of the announcement of the Islamic nikah or the bond of marriage is that according to the commandment of Allah the Exalted the man and woman who are forming the union of husband and wife pledge at the time of nikah that they will try to abide by the Divine commandments read before them and will try to abide by the Quranic verses recited before them at the time of nikah so that they may adapt their lives according to them. The foremost advice [at the announcement of nikah] is to adopt righteousness. Therefore when one is giving the consent for one’s nikah, one is agreeing to abide by the Divine commandments that are recited at the time. If you truly have love and fear of God, of the Beloved God Who has taken care of all your needs from your birth, in fact even prior to your birth, then you will always do what pleases Him and as a result will be a recipient of His blessings.
“When husband and wife form a union by virtue of a pledge and promise to care for each other it becomes their obligation that in order to further improve their bond they also care for one another’s relatives. It should be remembered that the attacks of those who seek to create splits in relationships will never be successful if the husband and wife care for each other and each other’s sentiments and also care and respect their friends and relatives because the surroundings also influence matters. Since your foundation will be laid upon righteousness, God Almighty saves those who abide by righteousness from the attacks of satanic inclinations.”
(Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London. Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006)