Resentments build up in some marriages that go ahead as compromises. Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in this regard:
“Some girls get married on the suggestion of their parents and do not have the courage to say the truth at the outset. They take certain actions after getting married causing lack of confidence between husband and wife which leads on to disagreements and conflicts. Other times girls get married to someone in Pakistan without any scrutiny or investigation on Jama’at level and it is later alleged that Jama’at did not help. Some young men sponsor wives [from Pakistan] but are very unfair to them and matters end up in divorce. The situation is frightening from both sides and the Jama’at needs to be concerned about this.
“Sometimes girls acknowledge after the marriage has taken place that they do not like the match and they married only because their parents said so. Some boys too acknowledge this after marriage and even they do not have the courage [to say this before the marriage] or perhaps they find out later that their spouse is involved elsewhere and likes someone else. If they speak of their preference before they marry, at least the lives of two families can be saved from ruin. There are also instances where parents are aware [that their offspring has another preference] but they get the marriage arranged with the thought that things will sort themselves out but this does not happen! Whether it is the girl or the young man who has another preference, things do not sort themselves out and life of one of them is ruined.”
(Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany. Published 13 April 2012)
Huzoore Anwer said the following in the same context:
“Girls wish to marry where parents do not want them to due to certain reasons, for example, the boy is not an Ahmadi or not connected to faith but the girl remains adamant to marry him. Then, with regards to boys, they can become embroiled in acts which become a source of disgrace for the entire family. This is why the prayer has been taught that O Allah do not make us face any kind of trial from our children rather put blessings in them for us. This prayer should be made at birth, in fact from the time when birth is expected.”
(Friday sermon delivered on 12 December 2003 at Baitul Futuh, London. Published in Al Fazl International 6 February 2004)
Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) gave compassionate advice to Ahmadi ladies in one of his addresses:
“An Ahmadi girl should always be mindful of her religion in that she is an Ahmadi, and if she marries outside of Ahmadiyyat then it can adversely affect her next generation and her own faith can also be compromised. The reason is that by going into a family of a different faith she can come under their influence.”
(Address delivered to ladies on July 28 2007 at Jalsa Salana UK. Published in Al Fazl International 13 November 2015)
Huzoore Anwer said at another occasion:
“Situations are now coming to light where hatred begins soon after marriage takes place; in fact hatred begins at the time of marriage! Why did they even get married? Unfortunately such instances are on the increase here in these [Western] countries. Probably Ahmadis are being influenced by the others in this regard despite the fact that Allah the Exalted enabled the Ahmadis to join the Jama’at of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) purely so that they may adorn themselves with the colour of the religion of Allah. It should be so that even if marriage is not of one’s choice, the couple should initially stay together and understand each other and reflect over the advice based on which they have pledged their nikah, that is, to abide by righteousness. However, if after making all the efforts, feelings of dislike continue to develop, then before taking an extreme action, you are commanded to seek mediation, consult relatives, reflect and ponder over it. Both parties are enjoined to act upon different commandments.
“It is regrettable, (although it is very rare) that some young women demand from the very first day that although the marriage has taken place, yet they do not wish to live with their spouse. Upon investigation it transpires that the marriage only took place due to parental pressure and that their intent was to marry someone else. Parents too should think about this and not ruin two lives in this manner.”
(Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London. Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006)