Mentioning the pros and cons of joint family system, Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) advised Jama’at members and said:
“Another malady which is ruining homes and causing constant conflicts and restlessness in families is that after marriage, despite the capacity to live independently and without any warrantable reason, young men stay at their parents’ home with their siblings. If the parents are elderly and have no one to take care of them and are disabled with no helper, then it is the son’s duty to keep them with him and also serve them. However, if there are other siblings who live with the parents, then there is no harm in living separately. These days a lot of difficulties are created because of this. If living in joint family situation only increases one to commit sins then it cannot be a virtue or a means to serve parents.
“Recently a most distressing incident took place in the Jama’at in a country. All siblings were living together in a joint family arrangement and each had two rooms. There was some disagreement between two daughters-in -law because of children. When the husband of one of them came home in the evening, she riled him by telling tales of how his brother and his wife had said things about something the children had fought over. The man was so enraged that he picked up a gun and killed all three of his brothers and then committed suicide. Thus, due to such a trivial reason there were four deaths in one family home at one time!
“If the love and affection of living in joint family arrangement for the sake of increasing love and affection [in reality] increases mutual acrimony, then there is no [Divine] commandment regarding this and it is better to live separately. Decisions in every matter should be based on astuteness and not emotions.
“‘There is no harm for the blind and there is no harm for the lame, and there is no harm for the sick and none for yourselves, that you eat from your own houses, or the houses of your fathers, or the houses of your mothers or the houses of your brothers, or the houses of your sisters…’ (24:62) Commenting on this verse Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) said: In India people often particularly complain about disagreements between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law in their family. If they acted upon the Holy Qur’an, this would not be the case. He said (the verse about eating from various homes) indicates that there should be separate homes; mother’s home should be separate from her married son’s home. Only then will it be possible to actually go to each other’s house to eat.’ Thus we see that this idea that moving out of parents’ home is some sort of huge sin and indeed there are certain parents who frighten their children in this regard, in fact they emotionally black-mail them into thinking as if they will be hell-bound as soon as they move out of parents’ home. This is a most erroneous thinking.
“I have often asked some young women and when they are in the presence of parents-in-law, they say they are living [with the in-laws] of their own will as do the sons, but when asked separately they answer that they are living due to constraints. This ultimately results in sometimes the daughter-in-law being cruel to the mother-in-law and at other times the mother-in-law being cruel to the daughter-in-law!”
(Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London. Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006)
Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) also said:
“If a girl who comes to her husband’s home after leaving her parental home and is not treated properly in the in-laws’ house and if the family lives as a joint family, her condition becomes like that of a captive. A captive for whom no one cares. Neither the girl says anything to her parents nor do the parents ask her lest her family life worsens. It is a most cruel act if a girl is made to live in such ghastly conditions.”
(Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK. Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015)
At another occasion Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said:
“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) came to spread love. As Ahmadis we should make efforts to promote love and desist from spreading hatred. Most families live lovingly but those who cannot should not make emotional decisions. Rather, if they are enabled and have the facility and there is no constraint, it is better to have separate homes. It is a very fine point made by Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) that if joint family arrangement was so essential, why does the Holy Qur’an mention separate homes of parents? It is indeed commanded to serve one’s parents, to look after their needs, not to be irked by anything they say, and not to even say ‘fie’ to them and it is important to abide by this. A husband should look after the close relatives of his wife, it is important to abide by this. This is a fundamental commandment made at the time of nikah.”
(Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London. Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006)
During his 2011 tour of Canada, Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) had a meeting with Rishta Nata Committee (department facilitating matrimonial matches) on 11 July and said:
“Some young men here in Canada, USA and western countries get involved in inappropriate practices which lead to some failings in them. At times, tarbiyyat (spiritual and moral training) and counselling corrects them and at other times it does not. Similarly, sometimes girls have some failings. Anyhow when matches are being arranged these matters should come to the fore and both parties should employ righteousness in disclosing them so that future disputes can be avoided.”
Huzoore Anwer added: “Some families taunt girls after marriage that they did not bring any dowry, or taunt them if they bear no children, or if they only have daughters. Thus, the husband’s family taunts the wife and this leads to separation. Some grandmothers come from rural environments in Pakistan and are predisposed to rustic mindset. Many relationships suffer because of their ignorant mind-set.”
(Published in Al Fazl International 28 September 2012)