Men Are Guardians Over Women

With reference to men as guardians, Huzoore Anwer (may be his Helper) elucidated Quranic teaching in detail and said:

“We see these days that hands are raised against women on small, trivial matters, whereas the permission given to chastise women comes with many conditions and it is not permissible to simply do what one wants. The permission is provisional to a few conditions and there is perhaps hardly an Ahmadi woman exceeding to an extent where this chastisement is needed. Therefore, rather than find excuses, men should understand their own responsibilities and give the rights of women, as the Holy Qur’an states:

“‘Men are guardians over women because Allah has made some of them excel others, and because they (men) spend of their wealth. So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection. And as for those on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is High, Great.’ (4:35)

“That is, men are (guardians) over women because of the distinction Allah has granted some of them and for this reason, they also spend their wealth on the women (the indolent who stay at home do not become guardians by default). Thus, pious women are obedient and safeguard those matters even in private which Allah has enjoined to safeguard. And women from whom rebelliousness is feared should first be advised (this does not include indecency, rather matters that can cause disgrace among the neighbours which certain behaviours can do). They should first be advised, then separated in bed and then if need be, given physical chastisement. It is then stated that if they obey, do not find any argument or excuse against them. Certainly, Allah is High and Great! It is stated that if a woman corrects herself from such an extremely rebellious attitude then pointless excuses should not be sought to chastise her. If, devoid of righteousness such acts are committed and men consider themselves to be of sole importance with no regard for women, then they should remember that Allah the Exalted can punish them for these acts. Therefore, prescribed degrees of chastisement should be followed and when no correction can be observed, and a woman continues to have the same attitude, it is at this point that the commandment of [physical] chastisement is given. Men should not raise their hand or a stick at every trivial matter. They should not be so cruel so as to characterise a decent woman as rebellious and start chastising her. Such men should remember that if this comes to the knowledge of a system established by God, that is, it comes to the knowledge of the Nizam e Jama’at [administrative system of Jama’at], it definitely disciplines such people. For God’s sake do not bring the Qur’an in disrepute and do try to reform yourself.”

(Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada)

Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) presented some pronouncements of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) with reference to this subject and said:

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: Our perfect guide, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has said:

“‘The best among you is he who is best towards his family.’ How can one claim to be pious when he does not behave well towards his wife! He can only be kind and good to others when his conduct with his wife is also excellent.’ Those who appear pious also have many flaws and are not kind to their wives and family, so this needs to be considered and society should not simply go by what is apparent. The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘A person can only be kind and good to others when his conduct with his wife is also excellent. It is unacceptable for an individual to get furious or hit their wife on the slightest excuse. There have been instances where an enraged husband hit his wife over some slight matter and she sustains injury in a sensitive area and dies. This is why Allah the Exalted has stated concerning them:

“‘…Consort with them in kindness…’ (4:20) There is no doubt that admonition is necessary if a woman behaves improperly.’ (Malfuzat, Vol. I, pp. 403-404)

“Sometimes acrimony develops between husband and wife over small matters leading to resentment. Allah the Exalted has made man physically stronger; if the man stays quiet perhaps more than eighty percent of conflicts would stop there and then. All that is needed is to be mindful and to be kind and patient. What was the blessed model of our master, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) in this regard? It is related that once Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was speaking heatedly to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) when her father Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) arrived. He could not control himself when he saw this and moved forward to hit Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) for talking to the Prophet of God in this manner. Promptly, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) stood in between the father and the daughter and saved Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) from possible punishment of her father. After Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) left, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) jokingly said to Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her), ‘See, how I saved you from your father!’ Observe the excellent model here. Not only did he try to quash the disagreement by staying quiet, he also asked Hazrat ‘Aishah’s (may Allah be pleased with her) father not to say anything to her and then relieved the momentary tension by joking with Hazrat ‘Aishah. It is further related that when Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) next visited, he saw Hazrat ‘Aishah speaking cheerfully to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him). Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) said, ‘Look, you shared your conflict with me, now also share your happiness with me.’ (Abu Daud, Kitab ul Adaab)

“The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) used to show great love and fondness towards Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her). Once he said to her that he knew very well when she was happy and when she was displeased. Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) asked how was that? He replied, ‘when you are pleased with me, you swear by Lord of Muhammad in your conversation and when you are displeased with me you mention Lord of Abraham.’ Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) replied, ‘yes, Prophet of God, this is so, but I only miss saying your name verbally (your love cannot leave my heart).’ (Sahih Bukhari, Kitab ul Nikah Bab Ghairatin-Nisa wa Wajdihinna)

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘With the exception of indecency, all weaknesses and petulant behaviour of women should be tolerated. I find it shameful that a man should fight a woman. God has made us men, which is the consummation of His grace upon us, and we should express our gratitude for this great bounty by treating women with kindness and compassion.’

“Once the harsh nature and abusive language of a friend was mentioned to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) and it was said that he treats his wife harshly. The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) found this very offensive and was very sad and displeased and said: ‘Our friends should not be like this.’ He spoke at length on how to consort with women and then said: ‘As for me, I once addressed my wife in a loud voice and I felt that my tone was indicative of displeasure, though I had uttered no harsh words. Yet thereafter I sought forgiveness from God for a long time and offered supererogatory Prayers with great humility and also gave alms because I felt that my harshness towards my wife might have been occasioned by some unconscious weakness in my obedience to God Almighty.’ (Malfuzat, Vol. 2, p. 307, published in Rabwah)

“These are the models of courtesy to wives that we see in this age in the practice of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) in adherence to his master the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) and we can create peace in our homes by following them.”

(Friday sermon delivered on 23 January 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London. Khutbaat e Masroor Vol. 2. Pp. 64-65 2005 Edition. Published by Nazarat e Isha’at Rabwah)

Advising kindness towards women in his Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada, Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said:

“Allah the Exalted has made man the (guardian). He has a greater sense of tolerance. His nerves are stronger. If they make small mistakes and oversights they should be forgiven.”

(Published in Al Fazl International 8 July 2005)

Elucidating a pronouncement of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) about kindness towards one’s family in detail, Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at another occasion:

“Do not even consider women to be contemptible and insignificant!! Our perfect guide, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has said:

“‘The best among you is he who is best towards his family.’ How can one claim to be pious when he does not behave well towards his wife? He can be pious and good to others when he behaves well towards his wife.’ (Malfuzat, Vol. 1, p. 403) So, this is a glimpse of the teaching that Islam gives us and teaches us.

“In this age the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) renewed this teaching and explained it to us. Thus, the precedence of these beautiful teachings were set fourteen hundred years ago by Allah the Exalted through His beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) who set the highest example declaring that he himself treated his wives in the best manner. However, with the passage of time, as implementation of other commandments of Islam diminished, the same fate befell on the commandment of taking care of women and to respect and honour them. It became insignificant to give women’s rights, and it was forgotten that a pious woman who does good deeds is such that Paradise lies under her feet. As I have said, in this age the implementation of the commandments concerning women has diminished. Therefore, Allah the Exalted drew the attention of the Imam of the age and the true and ardent devotee of the Holy Prophet (may peace and blessings be on him) to this matter that he should establish the rights of women in his Jama’at. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) likened the gentle sex [women] to glass which falls to pieces if harshly treated, whose physical constitution is delicate, and who is given such feelings by God that she needs to be treated with gentleness and kindness. She is like the rib bone. Benefit from her nature as it is. Thus, when Allah the Exalted has enabled you to be among the Jama’at of an Imam who is once again directly commanded by Allah the Exalted to establish your rights, then you should, remaining thankful to God, be ever ready to act on His commandments, the commandments that our Creator has given us.”

(Address to ladies delivered on 29 July 2006 at Jalsa Salana UK. Published in Al Fazl International 26 June 2015)

In his address delivered on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) drew attention of men and women to their obligations in a most excellent manner and said:

“Observe how the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has expounded that as regards to rights, both man and woman have the same rights. Thus man cannot say that he is the قوام qawwam (guardian) and hence he has more rights; this does not make him worthy of more rights. Just as women are responsible to pay all the rights of men, men are responsible to pay all the rights of women.”

Huzoore Anwer added: “There is a vernacular idiom that the status of a woman is like that of a shoe. This is an utterly despicable ideology and the idiom is wrong. This idiom indicates that when a husband has had enough of his wife and happens to like another woman, he can marry her and leave the first wife without paying any regard to her sentiments. This indeed would be a very despicable thing to do. A woman is not an object but is a person with feelings and sentiments. Men have been told that it is extremely wrong of them to find excuses to make the wife’s life miserable by deeming her lowly and treating her heinously. She has been a source of peace in their home for a long period, she is the mother of their children and has endured pain for their sake.

“Then unjustifiable restrictions are placed on women not to leave the home in the name of purdah! If a woman goes to the mosque for Jama’at work, allegations are made that she goes elsewhere. This is extremely vulgar and men have been forbidden from it. Husbands should treat their wives in a way that they forge a relationship like that of two true friends. Just as two true friends are ready to make sacrifices for each other, so should husband and wife. The bond in which husband and wife are joined is a life-long pact and in Islam honouring pacts is a basic commandment. Those who fulfil pacts are liked by Allah the Exalted. Marriage is a bond in which husband and wife know each other’s private matters. This is why it is stated that a wife is witness to many matters regarding her husband; his virtues, his qualities, his failings and the level of his morals.

“Thus the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) is saying here that if the husband does not treat his wife well and does not live in peace with her, does not fulfil her rights, how can he fulfil the rights of Allah the Exalted? How can he worship God and how will he feel worthy of seeking Divine mercy when he is unfair to his wife? This is why the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said the best among you is one who is good to his family, is good to his wife. This is the safeguard of women Islam has facilitated. Which other religion safeguards women like this and looks after their rights in this manner.”

Elucidating verse 35 of Surah Al-Nisa Huzoore Anwer said in the same address: “Critics object about the Quranic verse:

“‘Men are guardians over women…’ (4:35) and also:

“‘…Allah has made some excel others…’ (4:35). Commentators have given varying interpretation of this. I shall relate a brief part of a most beautiful commentary of the same [verse] by Hazrat Khalifatul Masih IV (may Allah have mercy on him). He said:

“First of all let us take the word (qawwam–guardian). Qawwam is someone who reforms; who straightens what is crooked and twisted. Thus men will be called qawwam in terms of being responsible for reforming society. The real significance of the word qawwam is that the foremost responsibility in society to reform women is of men. If female society starts to go wrong and develops crookedness and aberrance and a liberal wave detrimental to family life, in other words, it destroys the family system and relationships then before blaming the women, men should first do some soul-searching because Allah the Exalted has appointed them guardians. It will appear that will not have fulfilled some of their responsibilities in this regard. God Almighty states in:

“‘…Allah has made some excel others…’ (4:35) that He has placed certain inherent excellences in each creation which are not found in other creation and some excel others. The word qawwam denotes one excellence of men here and most certainly does not mean that men excel women in every aspect.’”

(Address of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih IV (may Allah have mercy on him) at Jalsa Salana UK 1 August 1987)

“By stating:

“‘Men are guardians over women…’ (4:35) attention of men is drawn towards the fact that they have not properly fulfilled the responsibility of the welfare of society entrusted to them by Allah the Exalted. Therefore if certain wrongs develop in female society it is because of the incompetence of men. Women accept this matter even in the Western world today it is acknowledged and women are referred to as the gentle sex. Thus, they acknowledge that women are the gentler sex and women themselves acknowledge that in certain matters they are physically weaker than men and cannot compete with them. Men and women have separate sports teams even in this society. Thus, when Allah the Exalted has stated that He is the Creator and He is aware of how He has formed men and women and owing to the difference between them He states that men excel women, objections are raised that look, Islam gives men preference over women!

“Women should be pleased that Allah the Exalted has put greater responsibility on men even in terms of small domestic matters when husband and wife have minor rows and estrangements. Men are enjoined in such instances to show more tolerance since they are stronger and are qawwam and have stronger nerves. And find a resolution to the problem with fortitude in a way that the minor argument does not develop into a major dispute resulting in courts of law and divorce. Moreover, men have also been given the responsibility of providing for the household expenses.”

(Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK. Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015)

Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) recited verse 20 of Surah Al-Nisa in the same address and after giving its translation, expounded it and said:

“‘O ye who believe! it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will; nor should you detain them wrongfully that you may take away part of that which you have given them, except that they be guilty of a flagrant evil; and consort with them in kindness; and if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.’ (4:20) Allah the Exalted commands you to treat women very well. Do not needlessly harass them for you have wedded them and they have left their families, parents, brothers and sisters. Fulfil their rights rather than looking for excuses not to pay their rights.”

(Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK. Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015)

Citing an extract from the Promised Messiah’s (on whom be peace) writings concerning kindness to women Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said:

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says, ‘It is a grave sin to hurt someone’s feelings and matters of young women are most sensitive.’ Where men are permitted to reprimand, it is by way of warning. Physical chastisement is not allowed apart from in some particular matters which are specific to faith and matters which are done in flagrant disregard of the commandments of Allah the Exalted. However, what right does a man have to say anything to his wife who himself does not offer Salat and does not abide by religious commandments? What men have been permitted, with conditions, is actually to establish rights of women. (Women may feel that these matters should be told to men. Do not worry, men are listening to this in the marquee next door. In fact men all over the world are listening to this regarding the safeguarding of your rights).1

“A companion of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) spoke harshly to his wife. This caused Allah the Exalted to send a revelation to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) commanding courteous treatment of wives: The revelation states: ‘This is not a good way. Abdul Karim, the leader of the Muslims, should be told not to pursue it.’ (Arba’in No. 3, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 17, p. 428)

“The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘This revelation contains guidance for the whole Jama‘at, that they should treat their wives with kindness and courtesy. Your wives are not your slaves. In point of fact, marriage is a covenant between man and woman. Therefore, strive not to be unfaithful in your covenant. Allah the Exalted states in the Holy Qur’an: that is, lead a life of kindness and equity with your wives. And it is mentioned in Hadith:

“‘The best among you is he who is best towards his wife.’ Therefore, be good to your wives both spiritually and physically. Keep praying for them and avoid divorce. A person who is hasty in divorce is sinful in the eyes of God. Do not hasten to break that which God has brought together as though it is a dirty vessel.’ (Appendix Tohfah Golarhviyyah, footnote, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 17 p. 75)

“You can see that even in this age, through the Promised Messish (on whom be peace) Allah the Exalted has commanded us to fulfil the rights through the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace). In one place he said that in one way a man has been made a woman’s servant. No law of today’s enlightened world gives such rights to women.”

(Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK. Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015)