Controlling Anger

Controlling one’s anger is most important to stem marital problems from arising. Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in this regard:

“Thus, I say to men and women once again that one can cover the faults of others when one is able to control anger and this is borne of fear of God. This is the reason Allah the Exalted has drawn attention towards the term ‘raiment of righteousness’ and states in Surah Al-A’raf:

“‘O children of Adam! We have indeed sent down to you raiment to cover your shame, and to be an elegant dress; but the raiment of righteousness–that is the best. That is one of the Signs of Allah, that they may remember.’ (7:27)

“Here a subject that I mentioned earlier is cited again, that Allah the Exalted has given you clothing to cover your nakedness and for your embellishment. Clothing is the apparent means which has been stated by Allah the Exalted in the verse. Humankind has been given clothing to make it distinct from other creation, to cover its nakedness and for embellishment. Yet, it is stated that the real garment is the garment of righteousness.

“Let me also explain something else here. There is a difference in the standard of the embellishment of the garment of a believer and a non-believer; indeed decent people have a distinctive standard of embellishment of garment. However, in the West as well as in the East the fashionable and materialistic section of society gives preference to that attire which is revealing and shows off the body form.

“While for men the measure of being well-dressed means being fully clothed yet it is men who wish the clothing of women to be revealing and mostly women also want this; women who have no fear of God have no covering/garment of righteousness, just as it is with such men.

“There are some men who wish women to adorn the latest styles, in fact they also like this for their wives so that they may be considered admirable and trendy whether their clothes cover-up or not.

“However, believers, both men and women, who fear Allah the Exalted, always wish to wear clothes that are a source of seeking the pleasure of God and this is only possible to do when they also seek the garment of righteousness. This will become possible when specific care is given to one’s apparent clothing, when husband and wife, who are a garment for each other, will take care of this with righteousness and when righteousness is also kept in view by society in general for covering each other’s shortcomings even during slight differences in our mutual relationships.”

(Friday sermon delivered on 3 April 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London. Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2009)

Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) explained the aforementioned subject with reference to Quranic teachings as below:

“‘…They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them…’ (2:188). Another commandment is that men and women are each other’s garments, meaning they are each other’s confidants. This commandment is both for men and women and this confidence should always be maintained and people should not start divulging each other’s personal matters to others if there is any disagreement or conflict. A couple will have good standing in society if they get on well and society knows this. No one will dare to point a finger at the wife or the husband. It is for the husband and wife to understand their respective responsibilities. Neither the wife should damage the husband’s confidence nor the husband the wife’s confidence. It is stated that not only will they make their marital life pleasant by having a positive relationship but they will also be safeguarding their next generation and will ; indeed they will be creating the means for it. Men and women should thus discharge of their various rights and obligations, the responsibilities that Allah the Exalted has put on them. Women are as important a part of society as are men. If both of them conduct themselves correctly the next generation will also be brought up well and will be trained correctly. This is why Allah the Exalted has drawn attention of both men and women to their responsibilities.”

(Address delivered on 21 August 2004 to ladies at Jalsa Salana Germany. Published Al Fazl International 1 May 2015)

Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following in his Friday sermon with reference to the blessed model of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be on him):

“While the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) demonstrated high models of trustworthiness and truthfulness, he also advised his Ummah (his followers) to be exemplary and be mindful of this in even the smallest of matters, for example, in the relationship of husband and wife. He advised that this relationship is a trust and should be looked after.

“Hazrat Abu Saeed Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘On the Day of Judgement the greatest betrayal counted in the sight of Allah the Exalted will be when a man has a relationship with his wife and then divulges his wife’s secrets.’ (Sunan Abi Daud, Kitab ul Adaab)

“In today’s society people disclose the private matters between husband and wife to their parents and this at times leads to unpleasantness and conflicts arise. Sometimes parents have the habit of prying into the matters of their offspring and this becomes the cause of disagreements. This is why the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: Neither husband and wife have the right to disclose their personal matters, no matter what kind they are, to others, nor others should ask about them or listen to them. In my view if this advice is adhered to, many disagreements would stop of their own accord.”

(Friday sermon delivered on 15 July 2005 at Baitul Futuh, London. Printed in Al Fazl International 5 August 2005)

Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at another occasion:

“Even if a marital conflict has reached the point of separation, then from this moment onwards, start to focus on prayers and avail of these virtuous surroundings1 to try and heal broken hearts. Similarly, societal acrimonies are borne of some other reasons as well. Remove the hatred that is fostered or created in society due to false egotism. Cover each other’s mistakes, offenses and oversights. Rather than expose these vices to show each other down, adopt the way of covering faults. Everyone should keep an eye on their own flaws and fear Allah.”

(Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada. Published in Al Fazl International 8 July 2005)